Giving Thanks, 007 & Karaoke

Posted in karaoke, life in my house, Thanksgiving, The Inner Circular People on November 27, 2008 by catscratch

Ok, I’m not the happy holiday type gal.    It’s just not in my nature to get into the giddie-ness of the season.

I think it’s all over commercialized and truly just a big bunch of money-makin crap.

That said, as I try to make my rounds to the blogs I stalk on a regular basis… there are some of them that have listed things that they are thankful for.

So, regardless of my disdain for the holiday season as a whole, I’ve really had no choice but to reflect on things that I have to be thankful for.

And heeeere we go.

Family. I have 2 kids, Big T has 2 kids…. that equals 4, plus one grandbaby.  It’s taken me well over a year to adjust to having the new additions to my life, and it’s not been all that easy on my children either… but somehow we’ve made it work.

Friends. Without them, life would be obnoxiously boring.  Hollyrock and Mario are my best friends in the world and I love them with all of my little heart.

James Bond. Without the James Bond marathon and football (BTW the VOLS blow) Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same.  I’ve watched the Bond-a-thon on Turkey day with my Dad since I was a kid.  And I don’t give a rat’s ass what anybody says, Roger Moore is, in fact, the best Bond.

Most excellent Bond flicks, in no particular order….

Live and Let Die, View to A Kill, Diamonds Are Forever, You Only Live Twice, Goldfinger….  and I gots ’em all on VHS cuz I’m all hi-tech and shit.

Karaoke. Oh yah, Babe.

There’s nothing that entertains me more than a night out drinkin and singin some ridiculously cheesy songs.  Nothing.

Piss on a bunch of American Idol.  They’re all just glorified karaoke singers.  And Simon is an evil troll…

I’m so sucked in by listening to myself make all kinds of noise that Big T went and bought me a super-deee-dooper system for the house.  Complete with my very own Diva microphone stand.

It’s not that I’m all that good… til I’ve had a few beers and then a few more beers… then I’m damn good.  Heh.

I thankful for lots of stuff.  I really am.   But to list them would take too long, so I covered the highlights.

I know you people have Turkey to eat and football to watch!

So, take it easy.  Save some food for tomorrow and do it all over again.

Love to all y’all and yours.

Ghosts, Blondie & Painful Tattoos

Posted in Bored out of my friggin mind, It's All About MeMeMe Beeeyach! on November 26, 2008 by catscratch

So, we’re moving the office and I officially don’t even have a desk anymore. 

I’m bloggin from the floor of my office and I’m using a MEMEMEMEME today because, hey, I just don’t have time for shit.

Do you like the person you are becoming? Hell Yes! I love me and I like the person I’ve become. I’m bitchy and sarcastic, but really what’s not to love.  

Do you currently find yourself to look cute? YES!  I am adorable!

What do you want for Christmas/ or your next birthday? That list of naughty, naughty trinkets from Adult World.. heh.

Did you ever call anyone “darling”? No.  I’m not Karen Carpenter or Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Did anybody ever call you beautiful? Big T tells me I’m beautiful all the time, but he’s biased and he has to.

Do you consider yourself sexy? Oh, hell yes.  I’m a sexy bitch. Do I make you horny?

Ever seen a ghost? Creepy as it sounds…. crazy as it sounds… I think I have.  In my old house.  I saw him several times.  He was an old dude from way back before electricity and cars and shit.  He’d just walk through the dining room and then be gone. 

A singer/group you thought was cool when you were little? I thought Blondie was BAD ASS!

 

Last item you bought yourself?  FlipFlops, two pair. And dayum, they are adorable! Especially since they were on sale.

If you need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?   Cato is my favorite store in the whole wide world.

Name something you have to do tomorrow?  I’ll be finishing up this move, going home and cooking Thanksgiving food.  I just want it to be Friday already so I can fall on the couch, watch football and sleep.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoo?  Just got the new tattoo yesterday.  The black work and shading were done Saturday and the coloring was finished last night… and it’s hurting like a bitch right now. 

Granted, it’s not the best picture, I had to take it with my phone since I suck and haven’t recharged my batteries since the whole male whoring expedition.

Ok, so there ya go.  A little more TMI than ya bargain for.

But hey… when one gets writers block or is going through a boring phase, Mememememes work well.

Now SMILE DAMMIT!

Slutty, Skanky & Into S & M

Posted in Barbie is a slut, Diva's little public service notices, karaoke on November 22, 2008 by catscratch

Does anybody else think Barbie has turned into a slut in her middle age?

I mean, she’s always had awesome boobs that are obviously implants because, let’s face it, no chick has real boobs that big and perky after the age of 35 without a little help.

As a dreamin type kid, I had a shitpot of Barbie Dolls in my toybox, closet, floor, under the bed…

And more Barbie clothes than 10283764 Barbie’s could every be dressed up in for fashion show.

But back in the day all of the clothes that old-skool Barbie had was fairly tasteful and Barbie was appropriately covered.   No leg.  No ass.  No boobs…

Back in the day, Barbie was all moral and stuff.  Holding hands with Ken…  Cruisin her Barbie Mobile…

Nowdays, Barbie has turned into a total skank.


No wonder all these little girls out there are all about looking 25 when they are only 11.

Trust me, I have experience here.

My kids never did dig the Barbie dolls, but I have a niece that does.

And the girl dresses just like her Barbie.

All I can say about that is this…

The day I see the child dressed like this…

I’m gonna slap her mother right upside the head.

Is it just me, or has Barbie turned into total skank?

On the bright side….  Loookie!!!

I found me a Catscratch Karaoke Barbie….

Ain’t she cool?

 

You kids have a great weekend now, ya hear?

Insensitivity, Insanity & Craigslist

Posted in Uncategorized on November 21, 2008 by catscratch

Have you ever heard me claim to be a lady?

I didn’t think so.  Problem solved.

Actually, I don’t have anything super smart ass to say about men today…. but…

some of the comments from my male blog buddies regarding my tampon post were very uncaring and insensitive.

How would you like to bleed like somebody went and ripped one of your ovaries out for damn near a week???

So, a little sympathy from the males in the peanut gallery would be appreciated in the future. 

Mmmmmm, k?

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So, we’re officially moving out of our office and time’s a tickin.

We have to vacate this place before next Wednesday…

Needless to say, it looks like somebody went and set off a bomb up in here.

Like, the big one.

Our crap is getting scattered between a storage unit, my new office across town and Huntsville.

I’m running in circles and I think I’m losing my mind.

It’s probably packed up in one of these friggin boxes somewhere.

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Craigslist. Is. The. Coolest. Thing.

I’d heard of it before.

But never really looked at it, bought anything off of it, or sold anything.

So, when I was bitching about what to do with all of this stuff in our office that we needed to get rid of, my eldest child said “Just put it on Craigslist, Momma.”

So, I listed our office furniture sets, industrial shelves, typewriter, printers……

And this phone hasn’t stopped ringing.

And I’ve deleted the ads because everything is done sold…

With the exception of the overhead projector.

OG said I could give it to my tattoo guy if he’ll fix the tat on my left ankle that she absolutely hates.

Sore Boobs, Bloating and Smiting the Bitch Who Changed Tampons

Posted in Diva's Bitchin, It's All About MeMeMe Beeeyach!, PMS = Total Bitch on November 19, 2008 by catscratch

Dear Mena,

I am writing to you today as you are the godess of menstruation and I feel you are playing games with me.

Not that you haven’t played games with millions of women throughout the centuries, but come on…. can’t you give me a break here.

I’m asking that you put the lightning rod away and quit giving me hot flashes.

Can’t you find some way to give men cramps, just once.  So they will understand how uncomfortable they are???

My boobs hurt.  I need to compress them.  Why?????  Oh why????

And, you have my permission to smite the corporate asshat that changed Tampax tampons.  Why did they go and try to make them better?  Now they are even more uncomfortable than they ever were.

It will be greatly appreciated if you could please find a way to give me a good night sleep.  I mean what does the fact that I’m not a baby oven anymore have to do with me not sleeping?  Get my point?

The only cool thing is that since I’ve always been a bitch, the moodswings don’t seem so bad.  At least not to me.   I’m using it as my personal excuse to break bitch on everybody who crosses my path. 

I just blame you for the anxiety and irritability.

Family Outings, Fish Bowls & Man-Whores

Posted in Here's Some Philosophy, Mother-In-Laws, Obscene Drinkin, out N about, The Inner Circular People on November 16, 2008 by catscratch

This will mostly be a photo blog prefaced by a short overview of the evening and full filler to explain the pix.

Let me start by saying.  You are never to old to go to a male review, ooooogle at scantily clad men and drink the brew. 

Let me also say… Hunk-a-Mania is not a male review like say Chippendales or Thunder From Down Under… 

Quite the contrary.  Hunk-a-Mania is a bunch of male strippers who bring womenfolk up on stage who are willing to pay $10 to have a penis swung around in their face.

I will also say… I did not have a penis swung around in my face.  My $10 was better spent on cold beer.

My sister in law called me the other night:

Sister in law:  “You wanna go on a girls night out Thursday?”

Me:  “Uh.  Where ya goin and what’chall gonna doin?”

Sister in law: “Cotton Eyed Joe for a strip show.  Me, Leacha, Christine, Paula & Mom are going.”

Me:  “Your Mom’s goin????”

Sister in law:  “Oh yah.”

Me:  “I’m in.  Tell Mom to wear her shit stompers cuz afterall Cotton Eyed Joe is a shit-stomper bar”

Sister in law:  *giggle*

***************Flash to Thursday night. 

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We got our drinks and found a place to kick it.  Note that Paula and Christine opted for a fishbowl full of PGA and grape Kool-aid.

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Now, my mother in law told me that she was going to be protective of me as I am married to her hubby’s son.  Turns out I wasn’t the one they needed to worry about.

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Christine strips one of the strippers. 

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All was going well.  I had not ooogled, screamed for these scantily clad men or done anything to make my mother in law think I am a total skeeze not worthy of her son.

I sat there drinkin beer and text messaging my daughter like a good girl. 

Then it happened. 

Christine thought it would be funny as hell to get me a body shot from this guy:

Right…. seems like the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right?

Anyhoodles.  It just goes to show no matter how young or old you are and how much ya try to stay out of trouble….

It never fails…

Trouble will find ya 🙂

Gutted Pigs, Rock n Roll & $130 Quilts

Posted in Community Spirit, Here's Some Philosophy, Prayer request on November 13, 2008 by catscratch

Howdy people!    I know you were thinking “I wonder where in the hell Cat’s been?”

Well, maybe not.  That’s a little self absorbed of me to even think y’all would be thinkin something like that.  But it makes me feel all warm, fuzzy and important to think I’m missed when I go MIA.

So, I’ve been such a ray of sunshine so negative and outright poopy for the past several days weeks months minutes.  I’ve been trying to regroup. 

I’ve been trying to focus on the positive things. 

Believe it or not, when you look for them, you can find things that are positive.

And when you really think about it, no matter how damn bad things can be, and no matter how much one obsesses and pouts…

There are always people and situations around that pop up.  Those people and situations kinda make me feel like an asshat for whining and pouting all the time.

The latest act of heart felt love was shown this past weekend.

A friend of ours, the lil fella who was a groomsman in our wedding, Lawerence, has been diagnosed with cancer.  It’s in stage four.

Now Lawerence is a young pup.  Only 23ish.  He has a sweet little wife and 2 beautiful babies.

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He’s had to quit his job to undergo surgery after surgery and now he’s going through chemo.

Ok, back to the love.

Over the weekend, the whole community got together to have a Pig Roast.

This was my first experience with a pig roast.  Wasn’t so sure what to expect.

So, they roasted a 300+ pound piggy and sold BBQ plates with fixins.

They also had more sweet stuff than one could possibly choose from for sale.

In addition, not just one band donated their time and money, but four bands.

Four bands, people! 

First up was a bluegrass band.  Mountain Grass.

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Next was a country cover band.  JP & the Hillbillies

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Then a southern rock band.  Whiskey Tenor.  (Cool name, huh?)

 

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Last a local band with a whip ass singer (Connie) and her husband (can tear it up with the guitar).

Lonesome Heart.

 

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Local businesses and individuals donated goodies to be raffled off.

All of the proceeds were collected for Lawrence & his family to help them get through this hard time.

And a quilt was auctioned off.  I thought Big T was gonna win it.  He was biddin on it (cuz me and Danielle were freezing).  But, when it hit $120.00, he quit bidding and told us we’d just have to freeze our balls off.

 

It just seems like a higher power keeps on telling me in not so subtle ways, to keep my head up and my eyes dry.  Things are not that bad.

Tragedy, Love & A Community Coming Together

Posted in Asshats, Community Spirit, East Tennessee on November 7, 2008 by catscratch

Today, I would like to cast some focus on the people of my community.

The greater East Tennessee Community.

I’m not sure if any of you that aren’t local have heard about the tradgedy in Scott County, TN.

On  the roads were wet as young cheerleaders for Scott County High School made their way home from a birthday party for one of the other cheerleaders.

The young girl driving lost control of the vehicle, and went across the line, and collided with an oncoming car.  The accident also claimed the lives of a woman and an unborn child.

The impact on the whole area was monumental.  The whole region grieves with the families of the victims.

The following Friday night, Scott County football team was set to play against Knoxville Catholic High School. 

Rather than the usual color wall that is visible by the wearing of school colors, the student body of Knoxville Catholic wore red, the colors of Scott County to show support to their shaken opponents.

A community came together.

Today, Friday November 7th, the community will come together again to do a “support ride” from I-75 exit 141.  The group will meet at the Pilot Truck Stop and make the journey to Huntsville, TN where Scott County High School is located.

The ride is in protest of a hate group who is planning to be there to bring more sorrow to an already sad situation.  

To my friends and neighbors in Knoxville and the surrounding counties, I am very proud to be from East Tennessee.

 

UPDATE:  Only three (two women and a kid) showed up at Scott County High School to protest.  The rest of the hate mongers were going to Obama’s grandmother’s funeral to protest.

I will not give the name of the hate group as they don’t deserve any publicity from me.

Playin Games, She Boppin & Girly Control

Posted in growing up in the 80s, music, Prince, sex on November 5, 2008 by catscratch

Naughty naughty songs have gracing the air waves and MTV forever… well, when MTV actually played music anyway.

Walk with me, won’t you, kids?   Through time and lyrics.  Through songs that are openly explicity  and dripping with sexuality.

My two favorite things… sex and music…  the two that I can mention anyway.

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First stop.  Wicked Games – Chris Isaak

Rrrrawr!  The music is dreamy, the lyrics are sexy and this chick is way hot.  There are no words.

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Next stop – Chicks Gettin It Done 

Cyndi Lauper was quite the cultural icon in the early 80s.

She paved the way for women all around the world to slip a hand down the jeans and rub off a good one and be proud of it.  This was ground-breaking until then the thought that a woman would do something as vulgar as masturbate was uber taboo. 

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Prince is just a naughty boy.  The majority of his writing ability is about sex.

Darling Nikki was banned from radio play for the graphic and blatently sexy manner in which a he gives a vivid description of Nikki masturbating with a magazine in a hotel lobby.  Hmmm. 

Gett Off ….23 positions in a one night stand.  

Pussy Control.  I get a big kick out of this song.  You should listen to it at least once for shits and giggles.  Unless you’re opposed to naughty words and freaky sex.

Litte Red Corvette  his lover needs to to slow down so he can tame her little red love machine… 

Yep, a dirty, naughty boy he will always be.

 

 

Halloweenies, Picnics & Slides

Posted in Halloweenies, I Just Love the Movies, Lil T, Miss A on November 3, 2008 by catscratch

Press Release:

Coach Phil Fulmer set to resign as the University of Tennessee head coach.

He will go to work for FEMA.  FEMA issued a statement:  Nobody can evacuate 120,000 people in such record time like Phil can.

Well, that was a sad attempt at a joke.  But he’s really gonna kick rocks after this season according to ESPN.  Thanks for the heads up, Chuck!

Goodbye, old boy…

 

Ok, so according to the onslaught of TV commercials and junk mail I have seen in the past couple of days, the Christmas season is officially upon us.

Overstock.com has a commercial on with Christmas carols playing in the background.

So, expect me to be in a pissy mood for the next two months because the over commercialization of this most joyous holiday season has already fucked it all up for me.

Onward and upward.

The weekend was started off pretty darn good.  Me and Miss A carved pumpkins and popped popcorn and sat at the house watching a plethora of slasher flicks, most of which were the ones that were on my last post. 

Sorry for the shitty camera phone pix, but I suck and I forgot to upload the pictures from the camera…

You know you’re getting old when you pace back and forth waiting for trick-or-treaters.

I was deeply saddened that we had a grand total of three.

Three measly trick-or-treaters… one of which was Lil T and he got most of the candy.

He was soooo cute.  Lil T & my neice & nephew were the crew from Wizard of Oz.

Then Saturday, Big T’s company had an employee appreciation picnic type thingy.

It was pretty nice.  They had a lot of crap for little kids to do.

We got to take a tour of the plant and that was pretty cool.  Some of the robots in that place are bigger than my whole house.

Lil T won a cake in the cake walk.  He wouldn’t let me carry it to the truck for him… he had to do it himself… he’s at that age ya know.

So, the cake was still tasty, but the way he carried it, all of the lil chocolate thingies from the top of the cake ended up at scattered in the box.  Which was fine by him.  He just picked them out and eated them.

We rounded up the weekend at the duck pond and Fountain City Park.

That kid loves to go to the park.

All I have to do when I’m feeling down in the dumps is grab the boy and head to the park.  The laughs and smiles that he puts out automatically make my spirits rise.

 

I hope everybody had a happy and safe Halloweenie weekend!  I’ll be around to read up everybody’s happenings!