Archive for the Happy Birthday Category

Good Friends, Red Bras & A Mu-Mu

Posted in Bloggers Lane, Boobies, Happy Birthday, Mmmmm Good on October 7, 2008 by catscratch


I’m a dork.  Forgot to insert the picture of the notorious and soon to be famous hug.  *rolls eyes*

I took the time to jack it from Mel’s page, even made mention of it… then… forgot to put it in.

I’ll lay off the good drugs.

Howdy friends and neighbors!  I’m back in the South again for a few days.

So, birthweek plodded along very nicely.  I think I’ll work on making it birth weeks or maybe even birth month in the future.  But, that will take some time to figure out how to work that angle.

The actual birthday started out well with the time zone issue working to my advantage.  I woke up at the crack of dawn.  I made the run from Costa Mesa to Irvine via Pacific Coast Hwy.  A beautiful early sunrise joyride.

The day was actually lovely until I got done working and went back to my shitty rental car to find this tucked nicely into my windsheild. 

Yep, a parking ticket.  My eighth one in 5 years.  Jeez.

So, off I go to find the parking police to get it fixed… this time I actually had a parking permit… but it blew off the dash into the floor when I closed the door…. 

This little gem may or may not cost me $52.00.  Depends on if they decide to have mercy on me.  They will let me know if my contesting the charge worked within 20 days.  Nice.

After that fiasco, the day brightened back up.  It was still only 3:00 and I had until 6:30 to amuse myself before I met with Mel (Alosha) for dinner.  So, I ran down to the beach to ooogle the surfer boys and write in the sand. 

There is no photographic proof that I was ooogling the surfer boys, other than the one burned into my brain.

So, Mel was late… I was already slurping a cold beer when I saw her walk up.  How better to greet a fellow blogger who I was meeting for the first time but than with  “It’s about damn time, girl.”   She was just a few minutes late and it was a cool ice breaker.

We started talking like we’d been friends forever.

The first line of business was drink ordering. 

The second line of business was to recruit our waiter to take pictures of us getting a hug for Mikie. 

I jacked this one from Mel because my pictures made me look like I was wearing a mu-mu.  *shutter*

We shared chips, salsa, guacamole and drinks and totally enjoyed each other’s company until they literally kicked us out of the place so they could close.

It was awesome.   She was exactly as I thought she’d be.  It’s cool when you have a preconceived thought about what someone will be like and then they are exactly like you thought.

I found Mel to be a very deep, extremely well thought and totally together chick.

We giggled some, we talked serious some.

My description of her and our meeting is an injustice to her because she really is all that and then some.

To Mel:  Thanks, girl for making that day bright!  Can’t wait for y’all to come out to visit or to get back out there and do it again!


Friday, Saturday, Wednesday & Friday

Posted in Fiestas, Happy Birthday, life in my house, Lil T, Miss A, Ms. N on September 29, 2008 by catscratch

So, the weekend was full of birthweek celebration.

No, friends and neighbors, I don’t have a birthday, I have  birthweek.    Go me.

It all started on Friday evening, when the Rodriquez’ez came-a-callin with all the good stuff for a BBQ.  Including, but not limited too, Rotel Dip, burgers (shudder), chipotle chicken, chili, and birthday brownies.

Then Hollyrock and I retreated downstairs where we started with karaoke but ended up bootie breakin. 

That’s when my mid-life-crisis epiphany hit me. 

I can drop these extra pounds from the mid-section if I just make good friends with my stereo and bootie break 30 minutes a day.

I love dancin and it’s been said I have more rhythm than a collegiate step team. 


So, my birthweek resolution is to dance my ass off 30 minutes per day, at least 4 times a week.  Friday doesn’t count, cuz dancin at the bar is done with help with loads of beer carbs. Yum.

I figure I’ll break the resolution by Christmas.  But, here’s to high hopes.


Saturday was family birthweek party.    Daddy called and said there was a birthweek BBQ at his house at 2:00 and that I needed to be there, as it’s my birthweek.

Okie dokie then.  So, promptly at 2:00, we were grillin big, fat ribeyes.  Just a-waitin for the UT / Auburn game to start…

because surely to shit the VOLS can kick Auburn’s ass.

Or………….    Not.So.Much.

Fulmer needs to go.  That’s all there is to it.  Let Peyton come coach.

Oh wait. Peyton was on the sideline and told the boys to go for the 2.  Whatever.  UT losin wasn’t even the icing on the birthday pie.  Not at all.

The icing on the birthday pie was the fact that me and Daddy got the shit kicked out of us every game of spades we played.  Dammit.

Anyway, we ate good food and I got a bottle of Baileys Irish Creme and cold hard cash from the folks.

Which I promptly spent at Hobby Lobby on cross stitch stuff.  Yay!


Sunday was spent at the Fountain City Duck Pond with Lil T, Miss A and Miss N.  It was all good until Lil T got pissed off because it was time to go. 

But, the ducks got full off of us with a loaf of bread and a can of Pringles.


So, Wednesday, my actual birthday will be spent working in the biology department of the University of California at Irvine. 

Why is this so cool?

Because Mel from Alosha is gonna meet up with me for tacos and beer.  Yay, Mel!

As with everything else in life, I intend to have the camera and hopefully after the umpteenth margarita, there will be blog fodder.  Heh.

Stories and pictures to follow late next week.


Next Friday, after a long, long week of drinkin sittin on the beach workin, I’ll retreat to the sanctity that is my Mommy’s pad.

I’m so excited to get to spend a weekend with the maternal figure in my life!

She’s an amazing, strong willed, spiritual woman. 

She’s loves me even though I’m a total heathen.  Which is also awesome.

We will shop and go have birthweek dinner at Pacifica.  GRRRRub.


Anyway kiddies.  I wish you all a beautiful and wonderful week.  I’ll be stopping by when I’m rotting in hotel rooms at everybody’s blogs to give more wet, slobbery kisses.

Clearing the Air, Old Folks & Pink Collars

Posted in Happy Birthday, If that ain't redneck I'll kiss your ass, Obscene Drinkin, The Inner Circular People, Why I Love My Job on August 22, 2008 by catscratch

So, I lied.   Yah, yah.  Forgive me?  K?

Didn’t make it around to visit today as I didn’t get the hell out of Sweet Home Alabama until 3:30.

Four hour drive back home and now I’m drinkin cold beer.

Swear, on my bottle of Jack, that I’ll be around Friday.


I feel I must clear the air here.  It’s only appropriate.

Most of y’all have seen pictures of me on my bloggie. Yes?

Tell me, people.  Do I really look like a girl, who at any time has been a pole dancer???

Now before I offend any one of y’all who might be or might have been a pole dancer let me say, COOL!!

If I was built for it, hell to the yah, I’d have done it…. excellent money and the chance to sleep all day.

But, I digress.  I apologize to have mislead anyone yesterday.  I was not, in fact, a pole dancer at anytime, other than in my dreams.


I would like to take uno momento to pay my respects to my Papa.  My grandpa.

This man loved me when I was an evil teenager and never gave up on me.

This man taught me how to drive when I was 14 on a dirt road in his new car.

He’s my hero.  He fought in World War II and he provided for his three sons and wife by a wing and a prayer.

He rolls the same route every day to visit all of the people in the neighborhood.

Happy Birthday, Papa!

You’re amazing for a man 90 years young!!


So, I know every single one of you are just waiting to hear why the hell I ended up running to Bama without so much as a peep before hand.   I just know it.

Here’s how it happened.  My company has been involved in taking over another company, which is located there in Alabama.

OG (my boss and most excellent friend for going on 9 years) moved down and assumed the position of President of said company on Monday.  Go OG!!  You rock balls….

Anyway, I get an email Tuesday evening from OG saying, “Dude, get your ass to Huntsville ASAP.  I’ve called a meeting for 9am.”

So, I got up and went to Huntsville the next morning in time for the meeting.  As it turns out, I was offered the position of C.F.O…  Ain’t that some shit?????

C. as Chief

F. as in Financial

O. as in Occifer

Wooo!  I’m not only white trash, but I’m white collar.  If only by title and definition.  That, my friends, is the redneck dirtying the white collar.   How.Bout.That.

I’ll be turning the white collar pink. 

Granted, I’m good with other people’s money.

Granted, I’m an awesome bean counter.

But, really.  I had no clue and therefore I’m drinking beer to absorb the shock.

So, I’ll be running a marathon to catch up with all of my blog reading after the shock wears off and I sober up.

Have a swell Friday boys and girls!

Bar Fights, Pantie Flingin & Arkansas

Posted in Happy Birthday, If that ain't redneck I'll kiss your ass, Obscene Drinkin, skanks, The Inner Circular People on August 15, 2008 by catscratch

It’s finally FRIDAY!!!  The day I can drink until I get dizzy and pass out.


My inner circle, ya know, those folks that are ever present in my everyday life.

These people are responsible for my joy, my anger, my worries, my laughs, my crying fits… basically most of my memories.  My life.

So, today, I’d like to introduce to you, my Best Friend.

As I respect everybodys right to anonymity, as well as the slight amount of deniability for their asshatary…

And as she could likely stomp a mud-hole in my ass for outing her antics on the internetz…

I will out her in a way that I do with everybody else.  She’ll be named some lame ass, off the wall name to protect her… I’m still posting pix.

So, everybody, this is my BFF, Hollywood.     Why do we call her Hollywood??  Lookie here.

Go figure.  Karaoke whore.

Actually, she’d most likely tell you all the stories herself and not give a shit about anonymity, because she’s a dork that way.

Hollywood is my best bitch.  She listens to all of my bullshit and does my dishes.

I actually “met” Hollywood at the VFW on karaoke night.  Well, actually I didn’t meet her.  We were both bystanders when one of her friends was gonna kick my  acquaintance’s ass in the ladies room. 

It was later that month that we really met, when we found that her brat and my brat were BFFs.

And we have been BFF every since.  Awwwwww.

Now, Hollywood does not claim to be a lady.  She burps and farts way better than I ever could. Ever.

I wonder if it’s due to that fact she’s from Arkansas?  I mean those Razorbacks are wicked crazy people.  As opposed to us VOLUNTEER TYPES.

And I’m pretty good with those things.   I’d go as far as to say she’s the biggest redneck I’ve met in my life.   And that’s not a bad thing.  I’m Ying.  She’s Yang.

As it turns out, tomorrow is her Birthday.  Yay!   You’re older than me, bitch!

Ok.  As a present to her, I’m ratting out her antic here.

So, we were at the watering hole one night:

Hollywood- “Can you tell I’ve been whitening my teeth?”

Big T- “Hell no.  You look like a big phiranha.”

My girl farts and runs in WalMart.  Both loud and silent… it’s the smell that counts.  It’s like parting the waters of the sea. 

She’s been known to shoot panties across Dillards like you’d shoot a rubberband, nearly getting us evicted from my pantie expedition.

We went out to eat Chinese one night. When the fortune cookies came, Hollywood opens hers up, looks at her man (Big M) and says, “I don’t have to give you a blow job tonight” and busts up laughin.

Chels says, “God, my Mom has the mentality of a 6th grader.”

Anyways… for as much shit as I give her for not being a girly girl, I love her to death and she’s the lighthouse that keeps my ship from running into a rocky, evil cliff of rocks sometimes.

In case you’re wondering, I’m the cute one.

Happy Birthday, Skank!  

See ya tonight.  Don’t forget it’s BYOB, I don’t give a shit that it’s your birthday.  I can barely afford to keep up with my habit 🙂





Alien Boogers, A Gauntlet Raised & Birthday Wishes

Posted in Bloggers Lane, Happy Birthday, Lame and stupid crap, Miss A, sucky customer service, Wacky Conversation on March 7, 2008 by catscratch

First… If anybody talks to or has access to Robert over at Observations From the Back 40…..  Tell him I’m hurt that he went all private and shit and didn’t even let a stinky fart to signal it. 

Have I been cut off??   Am I a Back 40 Outcast?

Say it ain’t so. 


So, a gauntlet was placed at my feet one day last week by our very own Speedcat “Loincloth” Holllydale.

 But we’ll get to that.

Thursday night is officially “Mommy & Me Night” for me and Miss A.  In otherwords, several hours of kickin it with the old fuddy-duddy she proudly calls Mother.

The night began with a leisurely ride to a mystery destination as I knew I would meet much protest from my darling mutant heathen teenager. 

Mind you, this is the same child that was recently suspended booted out of school for ditching.  Damn kid.   

She was grounded for just short of 3 weeks.  As far as she knows, she was grounded for actually ditching school.  Well, I suppose that was partially why she got grounded.

What really pissed me off is she was stupid enough to get caught.  I mean, I spent my high school years making a career of ditching.  Did I get caught?  No.

As far as I’m concerned, I don’t really want her to be doing stupid shit, but I also prefer if she pull dumb ass stunts that she not get caught.

But, whatever, she got caught and I’ve spent the last 2 weeks taking petty jabs at her for it.  Heh.  Grounded for more than 2 days as a teenager is the equivalent of eternity in hell. 

Tonight’s festivities started out with my forcing my child to get a real, honest to Christ manicure at a real honest to Christ nail salon.  She wasn’t amused.

Well, she showed some slight amusement at the color she picked for her all natural nails.

The bottle said ‘summer lime’ but I’m convinced that some nail color manufacturer in China kidnapped some aliens and milked their boogers into a nail polish bottle.

Nice color.

Then we go to Taco Hell… where we waited for at least 23 minutes for our feast when Miss A informs me that Dee Schnider (80s dude that just won’t go away) has a huge penis as pointed out to her the other day by her best friend.    That and that Robert Plant has a nice butt for an “old dude”.

Jesus….. wholesome conversations they have.

which brings me back to the gauntlet. 

It went down with the Master of Loincloth saying:

Eric “Speedcat Hollydale” Says:
March 3, 2008 at 7:16 am e

I could out burrito you any day … that’s a challenge. We could hold a muti-blog Taco Bell contest with HUGE prizes. I will be passing out cigars at my blog ….”

Ok, pal.  It’s officially on!  I’ll see your burrito.

 and me and Miss A, we’ll  raise by 2 hardshell tacos & rice with nacho cheeeeeese


 AND a masticated tostado (I’d already dug in when I remembered the challenge)


AND an order of nachos and cheese mixed with FIRE SAUCE

Of course, to wash this nasty, fat filled feast down was my typical Diet Dew.

 Touche’, touche’, I say to ya, old boy!


Lastly, but totally not leastly, I’d like to wish a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the man that reveres  HOT AMERICAN BABES and Food Network Chefs!!


 I wish you the happiest of birthdays, my friend!  And I’d like to point out that you are officially middle aged.

Horrible Storms & A Sweet Happy Birthday

Posted in Happy Birthday, Miss A on February 6, 2008 by catscratch

I’m sure by now everyone has heard of the horrible storms that ripped through the south yesterday afternoon through late last night.

Tornados and high winds didn’t damage unknown to many small communities scattered throughout western/middle tennessee.

It wasn’t until morning, upon the rising of the sun, that the damage to a small community called Green Grove in Macon County, Tennessee.

My son-in-law’s grandparents and uncles live in this small town, along with several of his mom’s high school friends.

The grandparents are doing ok for now, but it appears it will be 3 – 5 days before they get electricity back. This creates issues because she’s on oxygen.

The tornado swept less than 50 yards from their house, taking their tabacco barn.

The house survived vitrually unscathed.

The uncle didn’t fair as well. He lost everything to the ferocious storm.

His house. His barn. His tractor.

He is one of the stubborn ass people who never leave when a siren or alarm goes off.

He is the one that, come hell or high water, will stay put.

It nearly cost him his life.

His house collapsed around him.

He spent all night, in the dark still aftermath, trapped.

They found him shortly after day-break with few minor injuries.

The friends weren’t as lucky.

They didn’t hear the alarms or alerts on TV.

They didn’t have time to run or hide or find shelter.

She was found in her home. He was found approximately 200 yards away from the house.

Please take a minute to consider a few things:

1. Do you know what to do if a disaster strikes your area?? Where to go?
2. Do you have emergency supplies stocked up somewhere safe??
3. Do you have bottled water, batteries & a flashlight??
4. Do you have a certain spot where you & your family will meet up should you get separated?

I’m sitting here thinking about my daughter’s inlaws and it’s times like these
when disaster really hits close to home.

I wonder if technology will ever be able to pinpoint trouble coming early enough to warn people. Warn them early enough to find safe shelter.

Very scary.

Please keep all of our blog friends that I know of in the south in your thoughts and prayers… Chuck, Flat Coke & Flies, Real Live Lesbian, and Mushy.


Today is Miss A’s birthday!!

Seventeen years ago today she made her first appearance into this cruel, hateful world.

The brat didn’t want to come out.

So, I got sick of it and schedule the doctor to go in and get r’ dun.

Three hours, an epidural, a psychotic episode on my gramma, and a severe alergic reaction to demerol later… there she was.


So, here’s to you kid!

May your blush be rosy, my your shoes be many and may your boyfriend be generous!

Just think. Only 4 more years and we’ll have you a kegger!

Mommy loves you!

Happy Birthday Gramma!

Posted in Happy Birthday, Ms. N, Those People I Live With, Wacky Conversation on January 11, 2008 by catscratch

My Grandmother turned a ripe 82 on Monday.

Happy Birthday to the woman who raised me. The one who taught me how to cook. The one who loved me no matter how bad I had screwed up. The one who thought I did no wrong.

The family got together and had her a ho-down on Sunday afternoon.

She doesn’t know it or realize it, but she did. The doctors say Gramma has Alzheimer’s, and that it is in the “dementia” stage.

Whatever. As long as she can eat and have a good time with us, they can call it whatever they want to. She’s still as sassy as she ever was. She just gets confused now and then.

She has never failed to recognize me or remember who I am both in person and on the phone. She forgets that my Nat (oldest daughter) is mine. And she is totally blows her away that Lil T belongs to Nat, not me.

Anyhoo. We brought Gramma a really cutsie foo foo pill box back from Germany when I was over there in October. It was in a bag from the little German store, which had writing in…. you guessed it… German.

So, Sunday we all get together, as we do every Sunday, but this week we have a special dinner and birthday cake for Gramma.

I walked in the door to find her sitting there staring at the cake.

“Who’s birthday is it, honey?” She asked me as she hugged me.

“It’s yours Gramma. It’s your birthday! Cool, huh?” I tell her.

“I’m 82?” She asked referring to the candles.

“Yep. Ain’t nobody that old, Gramma.” I told her as I gave her the bag with the pill box in it. “Look it. I brought you something back from Germany for your birthday.”

She was clearly taken aback by the writing on the bag that wasn’t in English.

“Honey, what does this say?” She asked.

“Gooberstankin.” I tell her all serious.


“Gooberstankin. Come on Gramma, say it and you’ll be speakin German. Gooberstankin.”

Well, she ignored me and opened the bag. But Nat didn’t ignore me, she was listening the whole time.

“Mom? What’s gooberstankin?” She asked all sincere.

“You’re kidding, right?” I forget sometimes how naive and silly my kid is.

“No. What does it mean?” She asked again.

“Nat, baby. Mommy was making up a word that sounded German. Goober-stankin. Get it?”

“No. I don’t get it.” Bless her heart.

“You know. A dude has a goober. And stankin is just stankin. You put them together and you have a word that sounds German.” I tell her.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” She gets it, “You were just trying to get Gramma to say goober… I get it.”

That child of mine, bless her little heart, is a dork.

Gramma never did say gooberstankin. I tried all damn day to get her to say it.

Gramma blows out the candles…

Gramma sucks the icing off of the candles (the original pirate)