So, we get bombarded with uberous amounts of telemarketing calls every day at the office.
I’m usually not very nice to these poor people.
I know they are just doing their job, but for fuck sake… Go back to school, get a degree and get a real job not bothering the people who already have a real job.
It’s pretty simple. But…
Some days I’m bored with work, and porn *snicker*, and Pogo games, and blogging, so I may entertain a telemarketer for a few minutes if what they say off the bat is interesting enough to make me release the mouse and stop popping the balloons hanging on my monitor.
Mind you, I never know if it’s my boss calling from Germany, so I always, ALWAYS answer the phone in an oh-so-pleasant voice… until I find out who it is.
“Good Morning, how may I help you?” Note how pleasant that is.
“Hello, Ma’am. This is Sherri. I’m calling from Fairfield with a wonderful offer that we thought you may be interested in.”
I say, “Oh, really? What kind of offer do you have there, Sherri?”
Sherri goes on her schpeeeeel now:
“Well, we are calling to offer to individuals who have been pre-qualified in your area, the opportunity to come stay for a week at one of our several resorts, your choice. All you have to do is come and listen to a presentation about the property and take a tour. We do have a small fee to cover taxes and meals, but the stay itself if complimentary. What do you think?”
I decided what the fuck. I’m bored. I’ll play along.
So I say “Can I ask you to hold one sec.”
I need to get OG to play along. I run into Olga’s office and tell her the story and she’s all ready to play along. So, I get back on the phone.
I pick the phone back up and start off….
“Thanks, Sherri. I’m glad you held for me, I’d like to consider signing up. I could use a vacation. You said there is no obligation?”
Sherri says, “No. No obligation at all.”
I ask, “How much is this fee you were talking about.”
Sherri says, “Only $275.00 and you can even put it on your Visa or Mastercard.”
I say, “I can put it on a credit card? But I don’t have a credit card. My partner keeps them and she won’t let me charge anything. Let me put her on the phone.”
Olga gets on the phone, “Hello?”
Sherri: “Hi. I’m Sherri from Fairfield.”
Olga: “What is this deal that you have TheDiva so excited about that she wants the credit card right now?”
Sherri goes through her whole schpeeeeel again.
Olga says, “Well, I don’t think we are interested. I do not want to get tied up in a timeshare type deal and I know all about this kind of scam. Since we aren’t married we aren’t qualified for any kind of couple deals or anything.”
Sherri: “Can you put Rhonda back on the phone?”
Olga: “Well, it would be pointless to put her back on the phone since she has no money and no credit cards and since she won’t do anything without my permission. Have a nice day now, ok?”
At least if Sherri was on an hourly wage, she made her money honestly that day.
Other telemarketers that are fun to jerk around are the ones that call occassionally to “check on the make and model of the office copier”. Their scam is to get you to tell them the make/model of the copier and then they will, in turn, ship you toner that you didn’t want and invoice you.
Then if you don’t pay the invoice they try to send you to collections.
I have a page from the Xerox catalog. The most Mac copier you’d ever see. With ass expensive toner.
So, I tell them the Xerox copier and they tell me they will go ahead and ship it. To who’s attention shall they ship?
I always tell them to ship to Yu-Suki Wang. That way when they try to make us pay for the stock of toner we have just sitting back there, we can deny, deny, deny. We don’t have that copier, nor do we have an employee by that name.
Come on, folks… it’s all in fun.
On a happy note. School has FINALLY started back up and those teenagers in my house are officially Seniors! Go teenagers! You will be graduated and have the ability to get out and rul the world on your own like you keep spouting about in less than one year. I wish you luck. If you need me, you’ll be able to reach me through OG, she’ll have a phone number to my secret Catscratch location.
Oh, I’m super dooper excited over here. My next post will be the BIG 200.
I can’t believe I’ve managed to find so much shit to spew forth about.