Gentleman Jack, Santana and Tinkle Pants

This was just leaked and I may have my knees broken for spreading it:

” ACCORDING TO REPORTS, PHIL FULMER TO RESIGN TOMORROW MORNING.
HE WILL BE TAKING A JOB WITH FEMA, BECAUSE HE CAN EVACUATE 100,000 PEOPLE QUICKER THAN ANYBODY!! “

************************************************

I find it odd that I can be on my rounds to the regular blogs I stalk and one of them will send me into Flashback City, thinking about something I had either purposely blocked out or had honestly forgotten about.

Well, today was one of those days.  I was hanging out over at Moooog’s pad, Mental Poo.

My flashback doesn’t exactly mirror his, but his key word of Pee-Pee-Pants, send my mind a-reelin back to the past.

It was nine years ago this week that I got a call from a friend of mine in Santa Barbara.  Let’s call him SBsnoopy.  So, SBs goes on to tell me that Santana is playing October 1st, my birthingday, at the SB Bowl.  

He goes on to tell me that he has tickets to the show and that I should bring my butt to the Nashville Airport on September 30th to catch a flight to LA so that I might join them at the concert the next day.

So, I took the kids to their Dad, went to the airport and got on the plane.  I got to LAX that evening, and there he was standing outside the gate with a bunch of wild flowers and a baggie full of sand.  Awesome!

We gathered my bag and took off from the Airport toward his place in SB.  When we got there, I pulled out 2 bottles of Green Label Jack.  He has always been a lover of Jack and Green Label is only sold in TN, so I bringed him a present.  Not that it’s better than regular Jack.  It’s not.  It’s way harsh, but it was something he could add to his collection.

So, we had a birthday toast Green Label jack with its cherry freshly popped.  Then we had another one. And another one.  We sat out in the garden talking and drinkin until it was time to go sleepy.  We went in the house, curled up and it was all over.

The next day, I woke up ok, we broke snacks out with a bottle of wine and it all started over again.

He told me Wayne, another friend, heard I was in town and that he was coming by with some of our other friends to say howdy.   Of course, they saw the Jack on the table and the toasting and shots were on again.

So, 7:00 rolls around.  We drove down to his Mom’s place, which is only about 2 blocks from the Bowl.  We walk up the hill and find our place in the pit.  Front and Center my friends. 

Let me tell ya friends.  Santana, on a cool October night, with an even cooler buzz is a BAD ASS show to see.  All the smoke and light effects pulsing along with the music.  Saaa-weet.

Anyhoo.  Show over, time to go.  But wait.  I gotta pee. 

Problem.  The line to the little girls room is at least 34 miles long.

“No worries” says SBs.  “We’ll catch a porta-potty on the way down the hill.”

Great.  But, in a pinch I was willing to deal with it.

So, these porta-potties are on the way down the hill, literally.  Sitting.On.A.Hill.

Me + too much Jack x hilly porta-potty = Disaster.

I get in there.  It’s dark.  I thought I had my jeans down enough to hit the spot and nothing else.

Wrong.

I tinkled ALL. OVER. My. JEANS. 

Dammit.

Lesson learned.  Never try to pee in a porta-potty if you don’t feel stable enough to squat.

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21 Responses to “Gentleman Jack, Santana and Tinkle Pants”

  1. LOL! I remember the days of peeing anywhere I could squat after too much drinking. I probably peed all over my jeans more than once.

  2. I’m glad I’d finished eating before I read this 😉

    You should get one of those stylish plastic bottle things – you can get them from any cheap mail order firm.

  3. haha memories are the best aren’t they? Especially ones that remind you when you were wild and crazy and dropped trou anywhere. A platonic guy friend spent the night at my place once and swears to god I got up in the middle of the night, opened the kitchen trashcan, squatted and peed. My underwear was on backwards the next morning, but I still don’t believe him!

  4. I never thought I would admit this in public, but seriously? I did that once too. 😛 Horrible.

  5. LOL No way, that’s all the lesson you learned from what sounds like an awesome weekend and and even more awesome concert. Too funny.

    About L.A. man so close and yet so far, mi chica works Saturdays, yes I know it sucks but we need the moula. Do you make the trip to L.A often? It really would be and awesome honor to meet a diva in the flesh. lol

  6. Sugar aintche momma teach you always t pee down hill???

  7. LMFAO!

    Oh, geez! That’s too funny…I’ve done that kind of thing before but I was on the side of the road at night. Drunk. Trying to pee without falling on my ass. Ahhh…those were the days.

  8. You only did that once?

    Bwahahahahahaha…..

    I pretty much manage to do that every time I pee.

  9. You hang out at Moooooog’s too? Lets TP his place tonight.

  10. LOL .. Yeah, you’re better off just going behind a bush like dudes do than trying to use a porta-potty on a hillside.

    Girls got it rough at things like that. 😉

  11. That’s not so bad… once I was in a port a potty and lost my grip on penis and it flopped all the way into the potty and hit bottom. It took forever to pull it all back up and clean up after that……….

  12. LOL…nasty ass.

    I would’ve made up an excuse…like the smell is your new perfume you just bought.

    They might be thinking you stink but they wouldn’t say nothing 😉

  13. You need that PeeMate extender thingamabob that allows Ladies to mictirate out-of-doors standin up jez like the fellers do.

    Portopottys?
    We don’t need no steenking Portopottys!

  14. I would say you were less “hanging out” at my place rather than “soliciting for prostitution.”

    Po-TA-to, Po-TAH-to.

    Whatever.

    Nothing like a good ‘pissed my pants’ story. Thank God you didn’t flashback to Kristin’s story a couple of weeks back where she shit herself.

    I don’t need that visual from you.

    Especially with the hooker-thing and all you got going on. Something I don’t want to picture as I’m handing over my 20.

  15. Amen, sista…xoxo

  16. I say it is just not a good concert unless you get a little urine on your clothing.

  17. at least no one tipped it over..

  18. Floated by from Joe’s blog, Just ahd to come and see. I love this post!
    And you are right Santana, is the best concert I have seen, and I have seen a bunch!!

  19. I’ve never been an effective squater anyway. Drunk or not, port o pot or regular bowl, I’m sure I would have peed on myself in the dark, too! LOL.

  20. Again, Fulmer is nothing w/o David Cutfliffe.

  21. I did that once, too. Hadda walk around for 3 hours with wet pants before I was able to do anything about it.
    THAT sucked.

    What dumbass put a portapotty on a hillside……seriously. they should be shot.

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