Fat Rolls, Butt Cracks & Saddle Bags


SLICK, , I swear the first cold beer (in about 3 hours) will be popped open and a toast will be offered up in your honor.  You, my friend, are a hard workin man. 

I have muddled (heh, muddled what a word) my way through my first week being Master of the Financial universe.  Kudos to me.  I’m not shy, I can say it.

I didn’t manage to get everything on my LIST OF SHIT TO DO list done… but that’s why there’s always a next week, and a week after that, and a week after that.

On the downside, my poor blog (for what it’s worth) has suffered as well as my insatiable habit of stalking all of the blogs I stalk on a daily basis.

What did I miss while I was M.I.A. ??

Random Chick had a pity party and I missed it.  Dammit.   Mike went on a hunt for Palin Porn.  Trukindog dedicated a song to me.   Chuck came out of hiding. 

But, I think I’m close to catching up.  Go me!

Today, I’d like to post about folks who really need to rethink their fashion… or lack thereof. 

 First up.  The unhidden bra.   If you plan to wear a cute little sundress, please have the tits to hold it up without sharing your bra with us.  I actually thought the little dress was cute for hanging at the lake, a weekend BBQ or making a run to the WalMart.  But, come on. 

The muffin top.    We all know I’m no Barbie Doll.  So, these are rules I abide to myself.  If you have a set of saddle bags, keep them covered with either a shirt that fits or pants that aren’t low-rise.

Farmer Joe Suspenders.  Please put on a shirt, sir.  You’re scaring my kids.

 If you have as extremely noticable cellulite and/or rolling thunder thighs, please do not advertise yourself with writing across your ass.  It should be one word. Not two.

Generally only gym wenches (you know who you are) and teenagers can get away with this.

Again, we go back to the bra issue.  Only this time somebody might consider slinging the girls into one rather than letting the drag. I suggest a trip to Lane Bryant.  They have wonderfully sexy bras for girls that aren’t a size 5.

 Also, I note the spillage over the top of the shorts.    What can we learn here?  If you can’t fit what you got into the size you’ve picked, then you’ve picked the wrong size. 

Please don’t wear dark or bright colored panties, and avoid the monkey printerd panties for that matter, if you should decide to wear an ensemble of white.


This is never really that sexy.  Please note that I bitch about the boys running around with the boxers hanging out the top… same goes here.  Get undies that fit or bigger pants.

If there’s too much to fit, don’t wear it. 

I, however, do find this amuzing.  If I found it out somewhere I would add it to my daughter’s wardrobe for weekend wear in a heartbeat!

 Have a wonderific weekend!



24 Responses to “Fat Rolls, Butt Cracks & Saddle Bags”

  1. I am pretty sure this post just killed my sex drive for the next 3 years.

  2. Thanks for helping me decided what NOT to wear today! 🙂
    I want that kid’s shirt though!

  3. Laughing my ass off, I really needed this to start my weekend. Excellent picture selection for your pictorial.

  4. As dry as things have been for me lately I have to honestly say I’d tap everyone of those fashion nightmares. Well, except the kid and the Farmer Joe. Well hell, who am I kidding….bring on the Farmer Joe too!

    Have a good weekend!!

  5. Came here from Krissyfaces blog Says:

    I sort of liked #2… I hope thats okay.

  6. rantingdiva Says:

    Narm- Damn, it wasn’t that bad was it?

    Olga- I found it, I’ll email you the linky dinky.

    Jose- Gracias. I really tried here.

    Chuck- Please say no to Farmer Joe. Please.

    CHFKB- Sure it’s ok. She’s the best of the bunch and barely made it in.

  7. I think my penis just shriveled up and died. Thanks a lot.

  8. rantingdiva Says:

    Dyck- My only wish in life is to be of service. I hate that your dick died.

  9. Thank goodness I didn’t see myself in any of those photos. That’s generally why I wear a brown paper bag over my head when I venture outside… as not to punish the public.

  10. Mmmhhmmm, you better have drunk 10 beers in my honor.

    That “Irresistable” chick looks deeeeeelicious!! Can you tell I’m back in the hotel room all by myself??

  11. Thanks for the fashion tips. I’ve decided not to go out this weekend shirtless in a low-slung skirt and braces…

  12. i am sooooooooooooooooooo getting that tshirt for my daughter…

  13. Hmmm… I believe that if you can spell a word with more than five letters on your ass you may be experiencing a fashion blunder.

  14. I think that irresi stible is refering to the shorts themselves…cause that ass crack is just eatin em up. 😦

  15. The header was insanely funny. I agree, the look was missed by a wide margin. In search of laughter, I must say that the pic of the woman in black thongs scared me……..

  16. OMG…These photos are hilarious, but your commentary is even funnier!

    Happy Weekend!

  17. Yo CS…..I get woody’s a lot while I’m out and about. I need your help. What should I do?

  18. LMAO! One word not two. LOL!

    I have to defend the thong woman, though, as I have found myself in that position. Those low rise pants do have a way of dipping below the crack line when one sits in them. I have found, however, that a good belt prevents that. Still, I’ve been there. 😛

  19. I wore my top backwards to work the other day.

    No, it was not the first time.

  20. Oh. My. God.

    That tshirt on that little girl is priceless.

    Don’t worry, I’ll have another Pity Party soon and you can come along and cry in your Starbucks cofee with me. Wheeee!!!

  21. Baaaahhhhaaawwwwaaaaa! All that needs to be said…

  22. some of those pics have me scared…I mean seroiusly..I cant beleive people dress that way..its a damn bloody shame..

  23. I love the last one…too cute!! Hope your week is off to a great start! xo

  24. Well thank goodness you are back – I’ve been MIA as well and am out of date on my blog reading. Turns out being in a real relationship where you spend time together takes a lot of time away from my computer. It emailed me today and told me it was feeling unloved.

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