Bar Fights, Pantie Flingin & Arkansas

It’s finally FRIDAY!!!  The day I can drink until I get dizzy and pass out.


My inner circle, ya know, those folks that are ever present in my everyday life.

These people are responsible for my joy, my anger, my worries, my laughs, my crying fits… basically most of my memories.  My life.

So, today, I’d like to introduce to you, my Best Friend.

As I respect everybodys right to anonymity, as well as the slight amount of deniability for their asshatary…

And as she could likely stomp a mud-hole in my ass for outing her antics on the internetz…

I will out her in a way that I do with everybody else.  She’ll be named some lame ass, off the wall name to protect her… I’m still posting pix.

So, everybody, this is my BFF, Hollywood.     Why do we call her Hollywood??  Lookie here.

Go figure.  Karaoke whore.

Actually, she’d most likely tell you all the stories herself and not give a shit about anonymity, because she’s a dork that way.

Hollywood is my best bitch.  She listens to all of my bullshit and does my dishes.

I actually “met” Hollywood at the VFW on karaoke night.  Well, actually I didn’t meet her.  We were both bystanders when one of her friends was gonna kick my  acquaintance’s ass in the ladies room. 

It was later that month that we really met, when we found that her brat and my brat were BFFs.

And we have been BFF every since.  Awwwwww.

Now, Hollywood does not claim to be a lady.  She burps and farts way better than I ever could. Ever.

I wonder if it’s due to that fact she’s from Arkansas?  I mean those Razorbacks are wicked crazy people.  As opposed to us VOLUNTEER TYPES.

And I’m pretty good with those things.   I’d go as far as to say she’s the biggest redneck I’ve met in my life.   And that’s not a bad thing.  I’m Ying.  She’s Yang.

As it turns out, tomorrow is her Birthday.  Yay!   You’re older than me, bitch!

Ok.  As a present to her, I’m ratting out her antic here.

So, we were at the watering hole one night:

Hollywood- “Can you tell I’ve been whitening my teeth?”

Big T- “Hell no.  You look like a big phiranha.”

My girl farts and runs in WalMart.  Both loud and silent… it’s the smell that counts.  It’s like parting the waters of the sea. 

She’s been known to shoot panties across Dillards like you’d shoot a rubberband, nearly getting us evicted from my pantie expedition.

We went out to eat Chinese one night. When the fortune cookies came, Hollywood opens hers up, looks at her man (Big M) and says, “I don’t have to give you a blow job tonight” and busts up laughin.

Chels says, “God, my Mom has the mentality of a 6th grader.”

Anyways… for as much shit as I give her for not being a girly girl, I love her to death and she’s the lighthouse that keeps my ship from running into a rocky, evil cliff of rocks sometimes.

In case you’re wondering, I’m the cute one.

Happy Birthday, Skank!  

See ya tonight.  Don’t forget it’s BYOB, I don’t give a shit that it’s your birthday.  I can barely afford to keep up with my habit 🙂






26 Responses to “Bar Fights, Pantie Flingin & Arkansas”

  1. Awww, Tell Miss Hollywood Hapy Birthday from me!

    (I have my own ‘Hollywood’ don’t ya’ know!)

    I’d tell ya’ll to behave, but I know better!


  2. It’s nice to have a fart buddy 🙂 Happy Birthday and have a great time.

  3. Awww, that was sweet….good lookin’ out for you BFF….Happy Birthday Hollywood!! Enjoy your weekend – drink a few for me!! xoxo

  4. hehehe
    she does your dishes too???
    I needta hook up with her can she cook too??

    nuttin like good buddies!!

    Have a groovy weekend!! Try to remember the details!


  6. That beer at the top of your post is making me thirsty – now you’re driving me to drink 😉

    Have fun!

  7. happy beerthday to the bff…

  8. Wow, please allow me to sing this for your BFF in my very best karaoke style possible.

    Mi,mi, mi.
    Happy birthday to you
    Happy birthday to you
    Happy birthday dear Diva’s BFF
    Happy birthday to you ~ uuuuuuuuu

    And many more.

    Cheers! And drink one for me wil ya.

  9. You two are some klassy bitches.

  10. Matthew, aka THEW Says:

    Too funny & too cool. Happy Birthday Holly….

  11. oh my GOD, I wanna get drunk with you guys

  12. Happy Birthday Hollywood…Diva buy her a B-Day shot for pete fuckin sakes ya tightwad 😉

  13. This is Hillarious

  14. …And I would do you both! Fun, hot women!

  15. everybody needs a best friend…and one that farts is a friend indeed…
    so to your best bud on her birthday..”today is the first day of the rest of your life…………
    so don’t fuck it up.”…happy birthday ole yellowdog

  16. Well Happy Birthday BFF! Have a rip roaring time tonight and so do what I would do…not remember when I wake up…*gasp! did I say that outloud*

  17. Happy Birthday to the BFF!

    Arkansas people are pretty freaking awesome! 😉

  18. Sounds like a cool BFF. Happy Birthday Hollywood!
    Cheers, ya’ll! ;P

  19. Very nice post and great photos!

  20. Dayum!
    Raise a ‘lil hell girlfriend!
    and try to avoid startin’ a ruckus in the ladies room.
    *snaps finger

  21. rantingdiva Says:

    To all y’all…..

    Thanks for the b-day wishes for Holls. She was weepy and showed everybody she knows. Told you the bitch would be proud to out herself.

    Anyway, I’m hung over from drinkin all night and I’m going back to bed.

    See you kids Monday!

  22. Two peas in a pod. Happy B-day!

  23. This post made me both a little sad and jealous!
    It made me sad because before moving to where we live now, I had my best friend like that. She had so much class that at her wedding, in her wedding dress, instead of sipping champagne, she walked around with a pitcher of beer as her glass. Now that I’ve moved, we don’t get to hang out like that anymore and I miss her.

    It also made me jealous because I have never been able to make friends like that with another female as an adult! What is wrong with me?

    Either way, I think this was the most beautiful birthday post from one friend to another. I bet you two are fun to hang out with!

    And Happy Birthday Hollywood!

  24. rantingdiva Says:

    Dayum, Joe… you know me all too well!!!!

    Tracy- It wasn’t until I was well into my 30’s that I was lucky enough to find several awesome girlfriends. Sometimes good things come to those who wait!!

  25. You now have my email. Please don’t abuse it cuz I rarely give it out. Found you through Bob! Well, of course I’m laughing. I’ll have to come back when I have time and read everything. You and GF are awesome. Happy Birthday GF. And happy, happy to you for having found such an amazing friend.

    XO Suze

  26. ps..I used to drink…I used to drink a lot…no..I reallllly used to drink alot…but i never drank so much that i would sing karoke….jeez, some people can’t hold their booze

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