BBQ, Parmesan & Fire Sauce

What in the hell is with the people who run fast food??? 

I started thinking about how friggin tight that fast food places are with condoms condiments. 

Why would I be thinking of such a frivolous and tedious thing?

Well, today I wandered around this huge mecca that is Oak Ridge, Tennessee in a quest to forage something for lunch.

I was a tad early and was actually out during lunch rush, so every place on my route was totally jam packed and not worth the wait.

I ended up at Chick-Fil-A (one of my most favoritest places and a close runner up to Taco Hell).

Well, I ordered my regular.  Kids Chicken Nugget Meal w/a Large Diet Coke.

This renders just enough deep fried goodness to get me through until I go home and make dinner for the ingrates family.

Anyhoo.  I know that I’m demanding and that it’s alot to ask, but WHY OH WHY must I beg for that one extra little container of BBQ sauce? 

Is it fucking gold? 

I. Think. Not.

I dip my yummy criss-cross fries in it.  I dip the little deep-fried nuggets in it.  Hell, I’d dip my straw in it and drink it.


But, the old broad who is the guardian of the sauce packets was hoarding them.

Old Broad:  “Any sauces today?”

Me:  “Extra BBQ, please.”  (Note I was being sweet. I said PLEASE).

Old Broad threw 2 in my bag of deep fried goodness and turned around to walk away.

Me:  “Ma’am?  Does 2 mean you gave me one extra?”

Old Broad: “Our policy is 2 sauces for a kids meal.”  She smiled sweetly.

Me:  “Then can I have 2 more?”

Old Broad:  Slings one more in the bag with an annoyed look on her face.

Me:  Standing there staring at her.  At this point it was principle.

Old Broad:  Slung one more in the bag and asked, “Would you like a manager?”

Me:  “No. You finally gave me my sauce.  Have a great desert day.”

Then I started thinking (dangerous).  Taco Hell is greedy, too.  This is true, straight from a manager at Taco Hell… “It’s our policy to give 1 packet of mild, hot or fire sauce per item unless a customer specifically asks for more.”

WTF is up with fast food policies???? 

As much as they charge for a fucking taco nowdays, I should be able to have a case of that shit with every order as our orders are usually huge due to the kids and all of their friends.

Anyways, for spite, after going through drive through and getting an ungodly amount of crap asked for lots of sauce.  I’m talking like 30 tacos and 15 burritos and other random items.  The dude gave us 10 packets.  He counted them out.  Prick.

Did I ask for extra?  Yes. 

Did I get extra?  Fuck no.

So, I decided to be a total bitch (surprising, eh?). 

I parked the car.  Emptied one of the small bags into one of the other bags.   I took the freshly emptied bag and walked into the Taco Hell lobby.   I grabbed every pack of mild sauce that I could shove into that bag and walked out.   The kid at the counter just stood there with his mouth open.So now. At least when I go to Taco Hell, we don’t have to ask for any sauce at all.

Well, until we run out.

Other places that are tightwads:

Fazolis: tight with parmesan cheese and crushed red pepper.

Booger King: totally tight with ketchup.

Harvest Buffet:  totally tight with the fortune cookies… the dicks.

Ever have any fast food annoyances of your own?  Please share.


My daughter sent me this picture of Lil T.  He’s such a friggin ham.

Oh yah.  Go see my picture blog.  I’m shameless when it comes to self promo.

28 Responses to “BBQ, Parmesan & Fire Sauce”

  1. My friend brings her own bottle of hot sauce to restaurants.

    So did Chick-Fil-A fill-a-chick?

  2. It’s not like saving that extra packet is saving them tons of money. Sure, it ads up but it save a couple pennies per customer worth losing the customer?

  3. I don’t normally have that problem, something about a large guy stops them from being stingy with the food. The few times I’ve had issues I usually end up saying, “If it’s such a big freaken deal how much to just buy the damn hot sauce?” It normally shames them into giving me more.

  4. Some company executive probably got a fat bonus when he or she calculated that the whole chain could save millions a year by having stricter controls on sauce portions. Once all the companies are doing the same and pissing everyone off, the same executive will get another bonus by suggesting that they launch a big marketing campaign “Now with extra sauce”, or “We’re not stingy like the others” and reverse their policy., attracting millions of new customers.

  5. Micky D’s serves tea in a styrofoam cup…….
    I would like coke in a styrofoam cup…..
    they said they would have to charge me extra!!!!
    Tea’s $1…….WTF?

  6. Our fast food places around here are good with loading up with the sauces. Taco Bell, especially – they just grab a big old handful of sauce and throw it in the bag. Neither of my kids likes sauce with their nuggets, so I save all these places sauce packets on that front. THEY OWE ME! 🙂

  7. I’m right with ya. Taco bell is my favorite place to eat fast food. I go there at lest 3 times a week and everytime they short me on the sauce.

    I too, am a condiment nazi and have to have at least 2 -3 extra sauces, but, for some “god knows why” reason they always short me or sometimes not even give me one packet of sauce…, the other day I go into Taco Smell and they give my bag, I look in and low and behold “NO FUCKING SAUCE”, I ask for the manager and ask why, when I always tell the “order taker” for extra hot sauce and NEVER get what I ask for, he proceeds to blow the same shit up my ass that they have also told you….”we only give out one packet per item, such shit” and I tell him VERY SLOWLY that I DO ask for extra and I would like know what they define as EXTRA……needless to say, now they give me so much sauce that I have enough sauce for the rest of the year!

    Being a bitch isn’t always a bad thing, sometimes it really benefits us!

  8. I’ve found that if the person waiting on you at the register or drive through is a kid then you can get them to throw a bunch of condiments or salt or whatever in your bag with your food no problem. But, older people are more “responsible” and anyone trying to be part of management is sucking up to much and members of management act like THEY paid for the fucking salt themselves.

  9. I am a condiment whore. I must have EXTRA everything. Extra cheese, sour cream, gauacamole, mayo…all of them…all of the time.

  10. I hate fast food drive throughs, not only are they tight with the sauses and shit but if you don’t check they screw you with actual items in your receipt such as hamburgers and tacos. My son in law always goes back and complains and usually comes back with some extra free food. As you said, it’s the principle of it all.

  11. I never have that problem. The only time we ever eat fast food is maybe twice a month, late night with friends, no energy to make anything and they always give me so many condiments I end up throwing them away (Taco Bell for sure, Del Taco even worse, Jack in the Box comes to mind, and Wendys). I used to save them but since we eat those places so rarely I always ended up tossing them.

    Wonder if it’s a geographical thing. O_o

  12. Yeah, what is that all about anyway….like they can’t spare a few…geeze..whatthehelleva!! xo

  13. i will treat my self to some diarrhea errr… fast food now and then. it never works out well for me either… but it would be taco belch for sure…

  14. queengoob Says:

    OOOOOO, Spawnette and I have a date for Chick-Fil-A tonight after hairduts! I LOOOOOOVE their fries.

    And What-A-Burger is the worst for ketchup – hell, they don’t even put it on the burgers, you have to ask. They only do mustard. MUSTARD! ON A BURGER!


  15. That’s why I quit ordering salads in most restaurants. The fucking green stuff is just an excuse to eat salad dressing and they never ever give me enough!

  16. rantingdiva Says:

    MJ- Awesome question. I’ll do my best to find out the answer.

    Knight- Eh, there’s no way I could completely kick Taco Hell, I just rob them of all the sauce in the dining room.

    Ron- I’m a big girl… no threat??

    Brian- It’s a conspiracy!

    Jules- I know, huh. I want my styrofoam cup!!!!!

    ETW- Damn right they do.

    Cat- It’s a skill I know very well.

    Jay- Yah, they suck… the suck ups.

  17. rantingdiva Says:

    Meleah- You and me both!

    Jose- I’ll bitch. I paid for that crap, they better bag it.

    Mel- I’m a salad whore myself, but the boys eat out all the time.

    PPD- The bottom line, babes. How you feelin?

    IV- Yes. My favorite too!

    QG- I’m jealous!!

    Mike- Salad dressing nazis. Dayum

  18. Oh those lovely little packets of goodness! I always ask for a ton at the window! Sometimes I get a ton (especially when it is a dude…showing some boobage gets you quite a lot) but other times I have to do what you did and park the car and take in a bag and stuff away! Those condiment nazis!

  19. in the wee hamlet of west, texas we only have one drive in type resturant…bush’s chicken..all of our resturants are eat in…and they give you what you want…and kraut comes with everything including eggs…they are supposed to be building a sonic where the old dairy queen is(yes, they closed down our dairy queen, cause we all go to the resturants) and if they do…I plan on being in there every day all day long..i love sonic..also crazy about whataburger, but it’s 17 miles away and i aint driving that far no matter how good the burgers are..

  20. Fast food joints are all mother fuckers, they over charge, they can’t get your order right 9 of 10 times and the 1 time its right they still hang the meat half off the bun & the condiments like ketchup & mustard & pickles are in ONE BIG CLUMP not spread out like they should be WTF, how fuckin hard can it be to SPREAD OUT a few pickles it would only take half a second.

    Diva I think you just made my blood pressure skyrocket. 😉

  21. At our taco hell…they give you ONE napkin. ONE! You ask to ask for more…then they give you ONE more!

  22. I love Chik-Fil-A, too!

  23. I got some “sauce” for ya right here. I made it myself.

  24. They should only have BBQ sauce in my books. Ketchup is for kids.

    Thanks for you comments on underage Chinese gymnasts. The camera didn’t show it, but the girls could have been playing with dolls between rotations.

  25. Haven’t you heard about the BBQ sauce shortage as a result of the war for Memphisian independence? Until we can get Memphis back in the United States, it’s going to be like this. And a lot of people would be happy just to have one BBQ sauce container, Ms. Greedy!!!

  26. All the old ladies on fixed incomes have ruined it for the rest of us! They steal the jelly packs and Sweet & Low at the diner I go to. Splenda’s not safe either! I order $50 of chinese takeout and get 2 cokies for 6 people!

    I think you hit a nerve on this one!

  27. rantingdiva Says:

    Robyn- I never thought about flashin for goody packs.

    Jackie- I’m too lazy to go to a sit-down place. 🙂

    Trukindog- I never thought about it like that. They don’t spread the stuff out equally on a burrito either. Fuckers.

    Olga- They expect you’ll use your sleeve, baby!

    Jack- Mmmm, mmmm good.

  28. rantingdiva Says:

    Dyck- Ewwwww.

    Thorn- Ketchup sucks, I agree 100%

    AngryMan- Hell yah, I’m one greedy bitch.

    Metalmom- Condiment hording is a real problem.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: