Birth Control, Bright Colors & Mardi Gras Beads

Word of the Day:  LUNNER.  

The meal between lunch and dinner.  Use it people!

Ok.  I’ve found the most amusing answer to birth control EVER.

And just because it’s been touted on GIZ Mag, doesn’t mean it’s not credible.  That’s just where Google took me when I Googled it.

And I only Googled it because I saw it in Time Magazine.  A respectable reading aparatus.

What is it you might ask?

A spray on condom.  Excellent.

How does it work, you wonder?

Well, a fella with a semi hard dick, schlongdingaling,  johnson, will stick that semi-erect johnson into a can, which has nozzles on all sides, which will spray latex all over that johnson.

See the handy dandy illustration I found for you below:

Got it?  No?  

Here’s one in color.

Cute, huh?

How did it happen you wonder?  Well, some little German dude was thinking naughty thoughts and got a hard on.

Then, he thought to himself:  “Self, wouldn’t it be easier if I could just spray something on my winkie and get right to it instead of having to stop, get a rubber, open it, roll it on and then go?”

His self said: “Yes, German boy.  That’s a smashing idea.”

Supposedly, it’ll be available in a plethora of bright colors. 

Nothing like a bright green wang comin at ya, huh girls?

Now I know you’ll all (well the boys in the group) be thrilled to know… they’re lookin for CONDOM TESTERS….

What are the requirements, you wonder?   Well, your Johnson either has to measure betwixt 9 and 12 centimeters or betwixt 15 and 20 centimeters. 

For y’all non metric types that’s a range from 3.54 to 7.87 inches.

To apply, click here.


Now… I love giving away the Blingies that I get like a pervert on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras loves throwing beads a flashers.  It’s just that fun.  Thorn bestowed this lil beauty on me last week cuz I cuss alot and I scare him.  Hmmm.    Time to pass it along.

HomoEscapeons.  For his deep thinking.  You go, Donn.

Mental Poo.  For being all gracious when getting bling and talking about poo.  You go, Rod.

Alosha.  For making me realize that the world is small… (six degrees of separation and all).

Buzzardbilly.  For simply being her.  You gotta go over there.

His Bobness.  Because he either makes me laugh, cry or think. And he loves his Mama enough to go to Walmart.  That, my friends, is a great man.


37 Responses to “Birth Control, Bright Colors & Mardi Gras Beads”

  1. How long does the spray on stuff take to dry though? It may take just as long as the whole condom routine.

  2. Now if only they had a spray-on girlfriend I’d be SET.

  3. hehe
    I aint stickin my squeal maker in a can to have anything sprayed on it!
    The dang size thing excludes me anyway!

  4. Looks like I’m under-qualified for another job.

  5. 3.54″…. Damn! If only I had another inch I would so be game!

  6. rantingdiva Says:

    Sully- Supposedly less than a minute I think.

    Narm- Now that just ain’t right.

    Sage- You wouldn’t have it painted up???

    Bob- Come on, now.

    Ron- Figures, huh?

  7. Lemme get this straight….

    They stick said rod into can, then can sprays on sprayable condom?

    Wonder how many dicks will get stuck in that baby!


  8. Shut Up! Spray On Condoms? That is the CRAZIEST thing I have ever heard in my whole life!!

  9. That is just too much. And too weird. O_o

    Thanks for the bling, lady. Mighty kind of ya. 😉

  10. I might measure up, but it certainly doesn’t mean I would have a partner to test it with.

  11. Kinky ass Germans.

  12. If I was an investor and I was approached with buying into this product I would say “HELL NO.” But I might reconsider if they changed the product from sticking your dick in a can to having a can of spray that you spray on your dick. You could call it “Spray-On-Dick” or something ludicrous like that. I wonder if when they spray this stuff on your willy if it feels good. Also, does this stuff protect against STDs?

  13. That doesn’t sound very cool at all. I’m not sticking my wee-wee in any spray can thingy either. 😉

  14. Tell me again where the love juice goes! Is there a reservoir built in to this technology?

    Can it be sucked off?

  15. ha, didnt make the badge cut, but im in the blog roll!!!

    *struts his stuff down blogland avenue*

  16. rantingdiva Says:

    #2- Getting one’s willy stuck would super suck.

    Meleah- Yah, it’s kinda creepy, I think anyway.

    Mel- Anytime, girl!

    Bob- You taunt me so.

    MJ- No shit. Germans are kinky buggers.

    Keith- It’s latex, so it should be the same as one you pop open and put on.

    Jay- I don’t blame ya, if I had a weenie, I’d not stick it in a can.

  17. rantingdiva Says:

    Mushy- Oh shit. I have no idea. I generally don’t suck a dick once it’s covered in latex though.

    Inner Voices- Of course you’re in the Blogroll, Dude.

  18. Good lord…now you just have to make sure to keep your spray-on handy for when the moment strikes…hmmm, do you think you have to wait for it to dry? LOL xoxo

  19. OMG…too funny!

    This IS a joke, right???

  20. How would you be certain there weren’t any holes in it?

    Some of the nozzles might get gummed up.

    It could get very messy if you didn’t wait for it to dry.

    And how do you get it off?

    The inventor looks very enthusiastic, but anyone who’s reminded of sex when they go through a carwash… Or am I missing something? I’ve never found it a very erotic experience (the carwash, I mean)

  21. hmm, i can see some guy with a little dick, spraying and spraying and spraying until he builds up about 1n inch of latex on him to make it bigger..nah, i still wouldn’t talk to him..

  22. Well…isn’t that the most amazing thing ever? If I read that correctly, the dude sticks his weenie into this can thing? Then it coats it with a condom covering? What if the dude starts to enjoy sticking his weenie in the can more than sticking it into…well, you know where I’m going don’t ya? I think that German dude had more fun with the can.

    Damn freaky Germans! I can say that because I’ve got some German kinky shit DNA in my genes…

  23. Nice!

    Thank you!! I shall send you great accolades and karma and perhaps some lint from my belly button in appreciation.

    When I get back from vacation of course.

    I should have plenty of lint by then.

  24. By the way…

    …I have to stick my Mr. Wiggly in this thing BEFORE I stick my Mr. Wiggly in the OTHER thing?

    That’s a lot of work for me.

    What the Hell am I paying this chick for?

  25. Oh Man….

    Just another thing 4 men to stick it in….

    I would think that would waste time…sticking your wanker in a can and hoping 4 the best..

    I would rather take the chance and get knocked up, I dont want wet latex oozing its way up my vaginal canal..haha

  26. *buys can of weenie spray for random chick and sends it to her for trial run*


  27. And then, of course, you know what’s next….the magic, endlessly entertaining, movable, soft and squishy TABBY PUSSY…made out of real cat hair and Playdoh…so every part can be customized to order….

    JEEZ!!! SPRAY CONDOMS!!! These are people who obviously have never dealt with latex in ANY form, let alone the damned Trojans…

  28. I am so applying.

    I just barely made it, but I am in. By a hair. So to speak.

  29. I think I’ll stick to the old tried and true condom methods, but thanks for asking! ; )

  30. Do they come in flavors too? lol

  31. shoot I was picturing a walk in version like spray on tan. lOL>

  32. All I want to know is how does it make the bubble tip for the goo? 🙂

  33. rantingdiva Says:

    PPD- I’m not all too sure I’d wanna wait til it dries. I’ll go traditional I think.

    Bella- Nope. No joke, mamas.

    Brian- Oh yah. Safety would be a definite issue. We want no accidents.

    Jackie- You.Are.Adorable.

    RC- I always knew there was something about you…. hmmm.

    Moooog- I’ll pass on the belly button lint, pal. That’s just ewww.

  34. rantingdiva Says:

    FFM- It’s just not right, is it?

    IV- I’m 100% sure she’ll appreciate the shit out of that.

    RonnJazz- PlayDoh pussy??

    Mike- Heh. I knew you’d step up to the plate, my man.

    Riff- If I hadn’t offered you’d have never know.. It’s a PSA, dude!

    Jose- I would hope for Strawberry and/or banana.

    Just A Girl- Now that would be cool.

    Trukindog- I shutter to think about it.

  35. Actually…the best birth control….is to go…Back Door

  36. The only thing I spray on my wang is Reddi-Whip…and even then, it takes two or three cans to get good coverage.

    You know, ‘cuz my wang is so big…

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