Give Me Stages, Gnarley Sex & Bling Bling

No wonder he’s afraid of me… but I’ll get to that in a minute.

It’s Friday.  I didn’t sleep well last night and I think I have a tinge of a hangover.  As such, I’m pulling in this morning with a lazy as hell post.  🙂   

You know what that means… YES!  A meme.  The lazy girls way to post without really thinking.  I LOVE THIS CONCEPT on days like this.

Plus Random Chick is threatening to puke all over me if I don’t do this, so I’m doing it as I plan to go drinking with her sometime soon and I don’t want any accidents.

This time my friend has found a fun little ditty to go in search of what I might need.  I am to search on Google. 

Anyway, I’m sitting here looking over what Google thinks I need, and it’s not too far off, but the two things I’d love to confirm that I need aren’t there, dammit.

Sex and beer.  Oh well.

1.  Diva needs her stage.  Not so far off… and very, very true.  I am a karateoke queen and I am never happier than when I have a cold beer in one hand and a microphone in the other. 

2. Diva needs no translator.  This is not true.  I speak only bad words and vulgarities in the Espanol and even less German.   

3. Diva needs a home, a forever home.  Well, shit.  I thought I had a forever home.  Do the almighty Google gods know something I don’t know????

4. Diva needs a little more razzle-dazzle This is something else I thought I had plenty of.  I mean, who would think with a name like Diva that I would lack anything, especially razzle-dazzle.  Can somebody please send me some?  I feel nekkid over here.

5. Diva needs suggestions for her fan fics.  Yah. Can somebody tell me WTF a fan fic is??  I mean blog suggestions from my blogger fans is one thing, but fan fics?

6.  Diva needs to fight back.  DAMN STRAIGHT… but who and what am I fighting back. It’s a well known fact that I am, in fact, a lover not a fighter.

7.  Diva needs your good thoughts.  Yes, I would much appreciate your good thoughts and love vibes to come through to me.  I’m in a trying time in my life right now as I fight the urge to duct tape my family and closet them and run away from home before they are able to free themselves and find me.  Thanks in advance for your support.

8. Diva needs both Cool Ranch Doritos and WOW! Doritos to satisfy her crunchy cravings.  Way, way off here.  If I get the craving for something other than sex, it’s gonna be plain old tortilla chips and salsa.

9. Diva, who needs to relax and unwind…  No shit!  That one should have been right below the one about the stage.  I need a nice bottle of wine and a whirlpool bubble bath with the jets bubblin on light speed. Calgon!!!! Take me away, baby!!!!!

10.  Diva needs a place where she can go and get away from it all.  I’m thinking a secluded beach in St. Martin or one of the other lil gems.  Maybe on a Mediterranean cruise.  Sipping wine and watching the coast line slowly pass by?  House boat in the middle of Norris Lake… oh yah, babe. Let me know your suggestions of places to go and get away from it all. 

No taggy taggy here.  Snatch it if ya want.  It’s kinda fun and different to do. I highly suggest.

Next.  Trooper Thorn, one of my newest friends here on Blogger’s Lane, has bestowed on me some bling-bling and I’m totally blushing.  He lives at Dogs and Jeans in case you have the urge to blog stalk him. 

Anyway, why, you ask, did such a sweet man give me such an award??  I’m almost ashamed to say…. So, I’ll quote him, much easier that way:

“Cat Scratch of Ranting Diva. Any woman who feels comfortable writing ‘fuck’ so often and always in the right context is someone I want to read. Plus I’m a little afraid of her.”

Ok, so he’s right.  I say fuck alot.   I do cuss like a sailor.  A bad quality, but it makes my thoughts so damn colorful, don’t you think?


What really got me is that he’s a little afraid of me???  What??? 

Oh Thorn, I’m a lover not a fighter.  I don’t kick or sucker punch.  I only bite and scratch during certain situations, and then it’s only if it’s concentual.   Don’t be scared.  Hang around, and you’ll see I’m more meow thatn scratch.

Anyway, I graciously accept and thank Thorn for being my blog pal!  I’ll pass it along over the weekend when I have less of a hangover and am more able to properly pimp the blogs of my nominees.

To each and every one of you, I wish a good weekend, great eats, cold beer & outrageously good sex!


23 Responses to “Give Me Stages, Gnarley Sex & Bling Bling”

  1. It’s so funny that almost everyone that does this meme ends up with _______ needs a home. There must be a plethora of homeless bloggers roaming the streets at night.

    Also, I have no idea what a fan fic is and I hate Cool Ranch Doritos. Thanks for the weekend wishes… I guess I’ll have to settle for good eats and cold beer, as usual.

  2. From one Diva to another, I can so relate to some of those on your list!!! Oh yeah!

    Congrats on the award too.

  3. Diva, girl, you just plain ROCK!


  4. rantingdiva Says:

    Bob- I figure if I wish everybody else good sex, I can live vicariously since I’m obviously not gettin any 🙂 But, I can live with BBQ & beer.

    Diva- Why thank you, Darlin! It took some time to figure out what a Diva really needs, even with the assist from Google.

    Bella- Not as much as you do, babes!

  5. Afraid …. of YOU?? Pffffffffft! LOL 😉

  6. these are sofa king funny. Too bad I cant do ths one. Whenever I type Meleah Needs into Google I get my OWN damn blog!

  7. nice one… fuck is just another way to say i love you… so really, your blog is filled with love… ahhhh….

    *looks around catscratch compound for something to set on fire*

    oh and did you ever check out that cuss-o-meter i posted/stole from old bitter balls?

  8. rantingdiva Says:

    Hay- I know… I’m a total kitten over here.

    Meleah- Mine didn’t pop up. I suck.

    InnerVoices- I blew the roof off of the cuss-o-meter. I’ll post it at the bottom. LOL

  9. I’ve discovered that nothing will stop Random Chick from puking on your blog.

  10. To each and every one of you, I wish a good weekend, great eats, cold beer & outrageously good sex!

    Amen to that! And all of the above. I feel like I’m starting to know ya. he he he.

  11. Diva girl, you do rock! I like blogs w/ a high cuss-o-meter! I’m gonna miss you while I’m on vacay.

  12. Don’t question the all-knowing Google gods. Listen to them or hell fire will rain down on you! Or not.

    Girl, I can’t wait to go drinking with you. We’re gonna get in some T-R-O-U-B-L-E! Woot!

    Hope you get some sex this weekend too. The Hubby is out of town so I’m on my own…sometimes that’s better. OOPS! Did I say that??? LOL!!!!

  13. rantingdiva Says:

    MJ- Eh, some saltines and ginger ale???

    Jose- I’m a simple girl. You’ll know me in no time 🙂

    Vino- I know, I’m gonna miss you too, do something naughty to blog about!

    RC- Well, I’ll not get any. It’s not in the stars. Well, at least not with anybody but me… Damn… I said it outloud too.

  14. When it comes to getting away from it all, I’m sure you’re better off with a good film or a book than a Mediterranean cruise – I’ve never been on one, but I bet it must be hell. It would be hot, there’d be nothing to do but sip endless drinks, enjoy a good film and a book whilst sailing aimlessly and getting nowhere. Actually, now I come to think of it, I might be there too. You’ll recognise me, because I’ll be the one surrounded by all the bikini-clad babes…

  15. nice, but you did nt even come close to me.. last i checked i was at 93% ha!!! i guess my fucking language is a little worse!

  16. It’s so nice to meet other women you use the word “fuck” in every form, any chance they get. Hehe.

    Re. just bob’s comment – when I typed in “Melissa needs” one of the first ones that came up was Miss Melissa needs a home, talking about a white rabbit that needed to be adopted. I’m a rabbit in the Chinese zodiac, so I suppose it fits.

    I am such a fucking dork.

    Anyway, I hope you have a lovely weekend woman. Don’t kill the fam.

  17. There’s nothing wrong with a good fucking every now and then.

    Of course I am talking about the fucking word.

    I think.

  18. huh!…that guy needs to come to ole yellowdog’s if he want’s to hear the fuck word…i tried the cuss meter test and smoke came out of my computer…and a littl sign came up that same shame the fuck on you….

  19. Hey, Trooper Thorn gave me that award too and he said exactly the same things. Not really.

    I want a fuck-o-meter on my site. I mean cuss-o-meter.

    This is the part where I shoot some good vibes your way. Good vibes, love and rockets, boners and jamborees, snappy clothes and snazzy snatches, etc, so on, and so forth.

  20. Hi, Diva! Glad everything is going well for you! 🙂

  21. I wish I could drink with you, Cat. You are my sexystrongfunnymama icon.

  22. I’m sending you good thoughts. 8^)

  23. I got laid twice this weekend. Now I’m worried.

    I know the the Old Lady must want something

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