Monsters, Hot Peppers & Hell

Mother-in-Law.

Those three words hyphenated together are the equivalent to the monster living under the bed.

Definition meaning from the dictionary: mother of one’s spouse.

If it were only that simple, huh?

Granted, I am a Mother-in-Law now that my beautiful, eldest daughter has taken that plunge into marital bliss. *eyes rolled waaay back into the head*

Presently, my view is that I am the most wonderful, giving, caring, patient, non-homicidal mother-in-law out there.

I do it for my baby girl. Otherwise I’m sure I’d be a horn sprouting, pitchfork shaking monster hiding and waiting for that boy to come around screw something up.
But, not me. I assure you.

My ex-husband’s mother was the devil reincarnated in female form.

I kid you not. She was scary right down to the evil glint in her eye and forked tongue.

She would aspire to purposely make me feel like I was treading on thin ice. That was generally verbal.

But did she stop there? No, she is Korean and she hates women who are not of Korean descent.  Just the way it is and always will be until she drops dead passes on into her next life.

Everything she would cook was flavored up with just about enough fresh chopped red-pepper to kill a two ton rhino. “Takey Diva somey dat”.

Sure, thanks. Let me get right on with the consumption of that. I love my gastrointestinal tract to be lit up enough that when I fart, I shoot flames across the room.

Looking back, I should have taken it as a sign. He has never, nor will he ever be anything but a mama’s boy.

She buys his pants, his shirts, he boxers and socks. She does his laundry. No wonder the man moved back in with her  before the ink on our divorce papers was even dry.

What kind of man was she raising?

I’m not all to sure about it, but I know she was in definite competition with me for his affection.

Good for her though. I got out of having to wash his vine ripened socks.

The above thoughts bring me to the following point, which was inspired by my favorite rag-mag.

Could one actually live with one’s mother-in-law on a more or less permanent basis??

I for one, would never even consider living with my significant other’s mother.

Even if she was an angel just like me, I couldn’t do it.

Two alpha-females in one house is a design for disaster.

*********************

Special Request

You, my friends here at Blogger’s Lane, I’m sure by now have formed an opinion of me.  And, good or bad I’d like to know what you think.

Give a word or two.

Example:  Sarcastic and Bitchy, Sexy and Smoldering (heh)

Thanks.

Advertisements

30 Responses to “Monsters, Hot Peppers & Hell”

  1. Getting rid of my MIL soon. Can’t wait!

    The bitch can go spread her evils to someone else now!

  2. Oh hell nawl. My MIL is also the devil. Thankfully she lives 1250 miles away.

  3. Woops my bad, signed into the wrong account!

    I could absolutely live with my mother-in-law. As long as she followed these simple rules….

    1. Don’t talk to me unless I talk to you first.
    2. Don’t tell me what to do.
    3. Don’t tell me what to do with my stuff.
    4. Don’t offer up advice on what to do with my kids.
    5. Don’t tell me how to cook.
    6. Don’t tell me how to clean.
    7. Don’t ask me where I’m going when I leave.
    8. Don’t ask me where I’ve been when I get back.
    9. Never, ever try to be my friend because….
    10. I’m fucking your son, don’t act shocked about it.

    Easy Peasy.

  4. I have two ex mother -in -laws..both used to stand on the overpass and throw rocks at my truck…:)))

  5. No, I don’t think that could work. My MIL and her husband are always angling for a freebie, dropping hints at living with us. Not gonna happen. Nopey, nope, nope. Her, I would make allowances for. Her husband: Not only no, but HELL NO.

  6. Makes you wonder how Mama Walton lived under the same roof with Grandma Walton all those years. Reckon she was relieved when grandma had that stroke and they shipped her off to the sanatorium?

  7. Could one actually live with one’s mother-in-law on a more or less permanent basis??

    Depends on how hot she is. haha 😉

  8. This is a hilarious post! Didn’t Freud have some theory about this? Sexual competition or something like that? I don’t know.. too much booze and too late for most folks.. my brain is fried. I despise momma’s boys, though, because my sister-in-law was dating one, and he ended up breaking her heart, not like i care, ’cause i’m not a compassionate person.. or am i.. but this guy was whipped.. which is probably why she liked him.. oh, well, he’ll probably end up in a gay bar eventually… they all do.. they’ve been traumatized..

  9. My wife’s ex husband and his new wife currently live with his in-laws. Over a year. He’s never lived on his own for any good stretch of time. Like you said … candy-ass.

    ~Jef

  10. I’m a wonderful mother in law…just ask my son in law…

  11. He’s Korean?

    When you’re having sex, is he all like:

    “Kung-POW!! Kung-POWW!!!”

    I would be.

  12. Wow. I am glad I have never had to deal with a Mother In Law.

    I have no idea what kind of Mother In Law I will be? I guess that depends on how good or bad the woman my son chooses to marry is!

  13. Those three words strike fear into the hearts of law-abiding people…well, not so much law-abiding but they strike fear in my heart I’ll tell ya! ACKKK!!!

    Whenever my MIL visits (and I try to minimize this whenever possible) I drink. I drink a lot and often until she leaves. When my daughter gets married, I will be too old to be a bad MIL. I’ll be senile, running around with 100 cats, and my underwear on my head.

    Now, to see what I really think of you…you must go to my blog right away. I have bestowed upon you the highest award I can give…in essence YOU ROCK!!! GO! GO NOW I SAY!!!!

  14. My first husband’s mother was satan in a dress – she had her demons after me all the time, WHEW, I am so glad to be out of that hell….I feel ya babes!!
    I think you are simply the most fantastically real person around – love ya! xo

  15. I lucked out. My wife didn’t like her mother either!

  16. Actually, my mother-in-law is here with us in a way: When she was cremated, they gave us a teeny-tiny necklace-sized urn with a dash of her ashes in it. She’s not a problem at all. Actually, she was quite a character in life and I never got to meet her, so I would’ve liked to have gotten to know her the way Curmy knows my mom (not from living here, but from being close).

    Now, my ex-mother-in-law can rot in hell and I think she was valedictorian of the bad MIL school your ex-MIL went to. Bitch actually told me she never thought anyone would marry Old Cake Icing Ass because she’d spoiled him so much she thought he’d no one else would ever be able to live with him. I tried to live with him just to spite her gossiping, shit-stirring ass. Unfortunately, I value my sanity more than my stubborn and I had to throw him back in like a fish.

  17. I get along better with my MIL than I do with my own mother, but if we went into that we’d be here for a month! I still wouldn’t want to live with my MIL…no offense to her or anything, but I can see your theory about 2 alpha females not working out. I cannot imagine!!

    What do I think of you? Hmm. Well, I was just about to move you up to my actual blogroll {I know you’re feelin’ all proud now, huh? LOL}. I love ya. You are a trip and 1/2!! I agree with PPD…you are real. That’s a rare and awesome quality.

  18. Eeew… MILs.

    I feel for my boys’ wive’s when they grow up!

    No, I hope to NOT put anyone through what I’ve been put through!

    (I have a new blog…deleted old one!)

  19. I think the words for you my dear are TITS = Tenacious, Intelligent, Ta-Tas, Sassy…and ASS = Awesome, Shocking, Sexy!!
    xoxo

  20. Edgy and Hilarious

    I’m lucky. My M-I-L is wonderful. I love her.

    I did date a Korean guy once, though, and his mother hated me too because I was not Korean. One time we went to her drive thru restaurant, and I ordered a hot dog. She said, “You go to Chinese restaurant and you orda HOT DOG!? Oh, very bad!” LOL

  21. My ex-mother in law is a really cool lady. I love hanging out with her. Now that I don’t have to sleep with her son anymore. It cuts the tension, somehow. We can just be two bitches hangin out and drinkin wine.

    Here are some adjectives that come to mind when I think of you, Cat…

    Open
    Bodacious
    Mouthy
    Brave
    Hilarious
    Sexy

    How’s that?

    Mwah.

  22. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER! Hmmm…wondering if I’ve made myself clear about my girl’s mother? But I’ll never tell her that.

    Randy and Barbed! How’s that for describing you?

  23. I like my mother in law better than my wife.

    Damn, that makes me pathetic.

  24. hey! sage sent me over… pimpin’ you!!!
    LOL very funny post… i’ve been fortunate with my MIL… but your ex MIL sounds like a nut job…

    see ya 🙂

  25. Hi! Visiting by way of The Pimp!

    I have a hard time living on the same planet as my ex MIL, let alone with her. She was a nightmare. A different nightmare than the one you described, but still a nightmare. I do know that regardless of the personality differences, if you have a MIL that respects you, there can be peace. Too bad this is rare.

    I am a wonderful mother-in-law, as well. I am not nosey. I’m easy going. I respect everyone’s space. I do NOT meddle in my children’s affairs. For instance, recently my youngest son (age 20) quit his job, with no other job in line to go to. When I tell my female friends this, they invariably say, “Well you’re going to tell him that’s stupid and to go back and beg for it back, aren’t you?” I said, “Why would I do that? It’s his business. It’s his life. He lives on his own. He pays his own bills. If he hates his job so much, I trust that he felt had to quit. He is not irresponsible. He is not given to overreacting. It had to be very serious for this to happen. I plan on supporting his decision entirely.” My friends are disgusted by my reaction.

    ANYWAY, as for my evaluation of you ~ well I haven’t known you but a few seconds ~ but I think you’re just darling!

  26. I dont think I would make a goo MIL, because I just think it would be odd to know that this person was having sex with my kid..

    and it sickens me..haha

    my MIL is crazy as hell…..she is by no means a devil, just “specail” if u know what I mean…

  27. hey diva, first of all i love your blog i wait excitedly everyday for your new post. I couldnt belive there were actually people out there with the same views, sense of humor, and attitude like me.
    you are a complete angel in my eyes. and funny as hell.
    as for the mother inlaw thing, hmmm my mother in law is pretty good she actually told her son that she loves me more than she loves her son lol. I said to hubby hahahaha suck shit and die !! He freely admits that his mother thinks butter wouldnt melt in my mouth. contrary to the foul language that was comming outa my mouth when she was in the delivery room with me when i gave birth to our daughter. She soon learnt that fuck and C^nt were my two favourite words but that didnt worry the least.
    as for living with her , i still could not, we have different views on how to raise kids and disipline is not in her eyes, if i had my way all kids would be bound and mouths taped and shoved under the bed. CHILDREN SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD!! lol love ya!

  28. I stole that fire farting Cartman …. 🙂

  29. rantingdiva Says:

    Ahhh, to all of you that love me and came by to comment…

    I APOLOGIZE.

    Here and now for my lack of response. WiFi in the Hilton killed our laptop and I had no access.

    Anyhoodles. That’s the story..

    I’m back to normal now and shall be around to visit each of you soon!

  30. I can’t even live with my own mother let alone someone else’s.

    Diva you certainly are a good mix of sarcasm and down to earthiness… My kinda gal!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: