And Now…. A Bunch of Why…

Now before you go and get all grumpy and think this is gonna be a whiny ass post….

YOU’RE RIGHT!

But, it should be all fun and games for everybody!!!

Excited yet? 

Why is it that being Master of the Universe is not so much fun as I thought it would be?   

I mean, had I known before I ordered my Master of the Universe business cards with my name all ablaze in gold, I might have just turned my back on it and stayed a simple paper pusher that had time to blog and ignore real responsibility.   

What a rude friggin awakening.

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Why is it that I didn’t get any before OR after I took this business trip? 

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Why is it that me and Big T just can’t seem to see eye to eye on anything?

Sex?  Virtually non-existent.   I’d totally like to get the demographics here.

I know that the majority of us that stalk one another’s blogs are at least middle aged, if not older.

(Not that I’m discounting all you young’ns that fuck like rabbits and won’t have any real concept of this topic.) 

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Anyway, boys, I’ve got questions. 

Do you still have desire to sink one in on occassion? You know, show her what ya workin with?

Do you still show interest when your wife (girlfriend) “accidentally” flashes you?

Do you hurry off to bed and try to fall asleep before she can come in there with hopes of maybe gettin some?

Do you have any since of desire to make her feel happy and pleased in the love monkey department?

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Why is it that I’m blaming myself for this?  I mean, this may be a little TMI, but before Big T, just two short years ago, I was dancin nasty in the sheets on the darkside with Darth.

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Ladies?

I mean seriously, have you ever been ignored in that department?

If you have…. how the hell do you deal with it?

I mean, granted, I bought stock in Energizer because, dayum, I keep them in business.

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17 Responses to “And Now…. A Bunch of Why…”

  1. I think the more I’m married the more I understand I have a good sex life and a wife who is understanding about sex. Although she would be perfectly content with sex the same way every time, I like variety. Anyway. I have developed one simple rule when I engage in wild monkey love: Women First. Dudes, there is no way you will go wrong if you take care of her first. You are guaranteed she will have AT LEAST one orgasm if not more and if you are into scoreboarding isn’t that for you? Think about it, if you get just one bullet in the chamber and it’s done, don’t you think it would be best to save that bullet for the last shot. Let her roll through her almost unlimited ammo and then bring out your big gun.

    So, I just don’t understand why some men are so selfish. Those guys are missing out on some WILD lovin’. Dolts!

    But your questions: Helzzzz ya I love sinkin one!

    NEVER stop the flashing, teasing! We’re aroused visually so any type of show is great.

    Look, if mama ain’t happy ain’t no one happy and no AA battery stuffed porn gadget is going to replace me. Hey, I’ll help you use the toys, but when she gets more fun from a piece of silicone than from me, I need to hang it up. Damn straight I need to keep her happy and it’s a two way street.

    ~Jef

  2. … And another thing … dudes, take a basic sexual anatomy lesson. Going right for the hole is a no no. Warm up … women are crock pots. And orgasms are totally explosive the more blood that’s in the area. So, massage, touch, lick, suck, but don’t go for it right away.

    And please, figure out where the g spot is. Despite popular myth, the g-spot exists and is analogous to the male prostate. That’s the G-Spot. Open the lips and have her push. What moves inside is it. DUHHHHHH!!! Did you know women CAN and LIKE to ejaculate and should?!?!?! Dude, just take care of your woman and it will never be a bad night in bed unless … ummmm … you know, the soldier won’t stand at attention.

    ~Jef

  3. Somebody needs a hug. Well, maybe more than a hug. 😉

  4. Your man is apparently a closet homosexual.

    Deal with it…no guy wants to go without unless he’s into hairy ass.

    Try taping on some black-dyed cotton balls to your ass.

    If he makes a beeline for it…he smokes the sausage.

  5. I am sorry honey…I can understand where you are coming from and for your sake I hope it improves..I hate to be frustrated, it’s just not healthy (lol)…I think it’s something that seems to go hand in hand w/marriage…LOL. Have you tried talking to him about it and just putting it out in the open? I sure would….you have needs damn it! xo

  6. Even though I am young virile and spry, I will opine. I still like to get a hole in one along and along(read as everynight I’m home)
    but my deal is some diferent since its a honeymoon every weekend at the Sage shanty.

    if his stuff works and you are willing then I don’t get it (no pun, well fuck it, yeah pun)

    but you already knew my take

  7. Come on over sweetie, there’s pleanty of room in my bed for you! 😉

  8. Sounds like it is time to find a new playmate!

    Sometimes guys take for granted what they have. He’ll be sorry one day. Trust my word on that one!

  9. My future X wife was always drunk but got to where she only wanted sex when she was shitfaced and barely concious, just one of the reasons for the pending divorce.

    To answer your questions – –

    1. My desire to sink one grows stronger every day !
    2,3 & 4. My future X wife is in N.C. so luckily I don’t have to pretend just to keep the waters calm anymore.

    Thanks for askin. 😦

  10. The Evil Twin is almost 49 (I’m 40) – we’ve been married for 15 years and we still have wild monkey sex on a regular basis. The Evil Twin is just a horn dog, though. I always seem to pick the perverts.

  11. I have been married for almost 29 years and with her for something like 31 years. I would be lying to you if I said we still fuck like bunnies because we don’t. It’s hard to keep the fires burning after a long time. I mean all our parts are working fine and things do what they are supposed to do, but the interest is just a bit on the low side right now. Not at all sure what we are going to do about it.

    But you? You’ve only been married for a few years. Seems to me that you two should be doing the deed all over town. Guys get all funny and weirded out sometimes. Has he got a lot of stuff on his mind right now?

  12. Cat,

    I totally understand where you’re coming from. I think there’s som strange biological reason (beyond me) that men reach their sexual peak at like 19 and women hit it at 35. Personally, I’ve been in mine since the first time I had sex. But my ex husband? Ugh. I tried everything to get him interested. Later, I found out he was a dirty dirty cheater. Oh well. Bye bye.

  13. Well, I can have no interest until the “flash” happens. Then, it just like a shot of testosterone. Wham!! No man can resist.
    The main turn off is an unhealthy or poor comunication during the day. Those who fight do not hold in the night. Very true … and yah, daytime cooking is OK too. Just that everyone is way to busy.
    They days of youth and freedoms are long gone.

  14. Ohhhh, I like to sink one on the course too … (wink)

  15. I really, really can’t complain much in that department!

    Just lucky I guess.

    My middle-aged self.

    =) Bella

    SORRRRRY!

  16. I’m game!! Just tell me where and when!!! LOL

  17. I got it pretty good in the sex department…I’m the one who usually puts the cold water on the situation because I’m too damn tired all the time!!! Sex takes energy I don’t have, you know what I’m saying??? I’m telling you having kids pretty much sucks the life out of your libido. So think about it before you go there!!!!!!!!

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