You Can Call Me Grace

Grace, in this context is a noun meaning seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion. 

So, please.  Call me Grace, but only in the most sarcastic manner.

I feel I can say what I want, good or bad about anybody (including me) on this, my bloggy.  So, since I’m not above dishing shit on everybody else, I thought I’d share some of my most interesting shortcomings.  Why not share my bestest triumphs and my most pathetic tribulations??

So, why Grace you may be wondering?

Well friend’s and neighbors, I’ll tell ya.   I have a tendency to trip over things, step in the only hole in a parking lot and sometimes just drop.

So my Mother finally inducted me into our family club… Club Grace.

Thank God above, I’m not the only one who has these not so awesome moments in my life.  I think it may just be genetic.

Now, I’ll give a quick rundown of a few of the places I’ve fallen down, tripped over something or just plain bit it in a not so private setting, ie, in numerous public forums. 

1.  One day during a lunch break, I was walking back to work on the busy city sidewalk, and managed to step just off of the sidewalk into the flower bed, flinging forth my sprout and avacado sandwich from it’s cute little box as I grabbed for nothing more than thin air to catch my big ass.

2.  After more hours that should be allowed of bar hopping, and after more shots of J.D. with beer chasers that one should be able to rightly consume, I (along with several of my girlfriends) decided to hit the floor during a booty break @ my favorite watering hole.  Yah, it was a trainwreck waiting to happen.   Let’s do this one as a mathmatic equation for impact, shall we?

Diva + J.D (beer) * slutty heeled shoes(crowded dance floor) = DISASTER

You guessed it, I fell flat on my ass in front of God, an entire floor full of people dancing, people who stand around oooogling the dancing people, and drunks sitting firmly on the bar.  Oh yah.  Dance floor one, Diva zero.

3. I used to be quite the adreniline junkie.  Every summer weekend, we would pack a cooler of stuff and a watermellon and head to the mountains.  Townsend, TN, in particular.  Off the the Townsend “Y” we’d go.  This is where two small streams converge and make for cool swimming, tubing and what not.

Anyhoo, there’s a rock face that you can swim across said river to get to, climb the rock face (approximately 50 ft.) and jump off into the river.  Fun as a barrel of poo throwing monkeys… until you lose your footing and fall (bumping and twirling) all the way down into the water.  These slippages were common, but I thought I was immune.  Until it happened to me.  I thought I had broken my leg.  No more climb, climb, jump, jump for Diva. 

Yes, there have been countless occassions where I have made a total ass of myself.  I’m not all so proud of ’em, but damn, it’s funny as long as nobody gets hurt.


15 Responses to “You Can Call Me Grace”

  1. OMG! I hate falls. Ass or no ass!

  2. I always tell people (after I have done something clutzy) my mother DID NOT name me Grace.

  3. Oh honey, just know I believe you must have looked COMPLETELY Diva-ish as you went down though…

    OH and something else, I’m the GRACE that seems to forget her extremities in the doors and windows… I locked my car door with my finger in it! Took a few stitches… 😉

    Hugs to you fellow GRACE DIVA!


  4. Well, GRACE, one of those things reminded me of the days at the SINKS…fun, but almost killed myself a time or two! How did we miss each other?

  5. At least if you’re drunk you have an excuse and it doesn’t hurt. Well, not until the next day when you have ask everyone where that HUGE bruise came from and “why am I in so much pain?” LOL

  6. At least drunk falls are funny, most of the others just look pathetic!


  7. I’ve been known to start falling and fight it. I usually end up looking like I’m trying to do some funky breakdance up until I hit the floor 🙂

  8. well Grace…I feel you.

    I am the biggest clutz, and famous for putting my foot in my mouth!

    “Grace” is ever so elusive!

  9. I used to get really “graceful” when I was drinking and I have the scars to prove it!

  10. I’m a grace too!
    Hugs and love, J

  11. That is a fantastic post. I was laughing with you (not at you)

  12. lol @ mike’s comment.

  13. My nickname is also Grace!! I have a habit of breaking just about everything I touch. If there is alcohol involved forget it, my husband has bought me an entire collection of plastic and polycarbonate dishware.

    When I was in my 20’s we used to go canoing all the time, and there happened to be a hill (rockface) named Asshole Hill, because all the drunk assholes would get out of their canoes and attempt to climb it….so of course I tried it…I still have scars from sliding half way down the hill on my bare skin…of course I was wearing nothing but a bathing suit. Got scared about 3/4 of the way up and refused to move…I had to be rescued by 3 guys.

    Whoever came up with the name for that Hill, hit the nail right on the head.

  14. how Ya doin Grace….:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  15. haaaaaaaaaaaa
    well glad you didn’t drowned!!

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