A Bad Joke, A Big Request & A Rebuttal

Good morning (afternoon or evening) to y’all.   Let’s get started with the bad joke, shall we?

Three  women die together in an accident and go to heaven. 

     When  they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We only have one rule here in  heaven: 
     don’t  step on the ducks!’
 
     So they enter heaven, and sure enough,  there are ducks all over the place. 
     It is  almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their  
     best  to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.  

     Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St.  Peter chains 
     them  together and says, ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to  
     spend  eternity chained to this ugly man!’  
     The  next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along  
    comes  St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely  
     ugly  man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for  
     the  first woman. 
 
     The third woman has observed all this and, not  wanting to be chained 
     for  all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she  steps.

     She manages to go months without stepping on any  ducks, but one 
     day  St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has  
     ever  laid eyes on …. very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.  
 
     St.  Peter chains them together without saying a word.
 
     The happy  woman says, ‘I wonder what I did to deserve being  
     chained  to you for all of eternity?’ 

     The guy says, ‘I don’t know  about you, but I stepped on a 
    duck.

Bwaaaaaaaaahahahahaha!  Funny, no?

*************************

So anyway… This is a request to all of the people that I call friends and family.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, please  PLEASE, knock it off with the forwarded email chain letters. 

I mean really.  If you wanna forward me something, make it a picture of a half nekkid firefighter and his hose or gift certificates for really cool free stuff or money. 

Yah, money is good. 

Don’t be sending me some ridiculous shit that tells me I have to forward it to 10 of my contacts and I’ll get a gaaagillion bucks in the mail next week.

Just send me half of the gaaagillion bucks you got for littering my damn inbox.

Why should I have to work for mine if you’re so generous as to share with me this get rich quick scheme??  Just share.  You can afford it now.  Your check is on it’s way, righty?

With this in mind….  when I see an email that says:

“FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: Seriously, this ain’t no scam”

trust me here.. it goes straight to my trashy can, pal.  I don’t bother to open it or waste my precious eyes reading it.  I’m just gonna ask you for a cut of yours.

I’m really not trying to be a bitch. Well, yes I am, but that’s who I am.  If you didn’t like it, you’d not be forwarding me all this shit….

So, quit it.  Simple, easy.  Don’t make me make a rule in my Outlook that puts all mail from you automatically in my junkie poopoo folder.

I loves you, but not enough to read all these forwarded letter from Nigeria.

********************

Now for the rebuttal….

I decided to address a comment from a recent blog about Bill Clinton and why I think he should be first lady…

Sara said:

“Finally a post where you’re not bitching about your poor stepson.”

My poor stepson?  My poor stepson???  You feel I bitch to much about the boy?  I realize that I may fuss about some of the asshat shit he does, but I certainly don’t do it on a daily basis.  If I did, your ass would still be sitting there, because it’s a never ending stream of stupidity with him.

Where else, Dear Sara, am I to release my tension?  Blow some steam?  Rant about the things in my life that I need to get off my chest?   Like the holes in the walls,  calls from principals, holes in pants pockets… ya know, stupid and ridiculous stuff?

I’ll tell ya.  I do that here, on my blog.  Why? Because I can.  And many people understand that sometimes there is just nothing positive to say. 

So, if a body doesn’t like the fact that I bitch and raise hell, I apologize… but it’s honestly stated at the top of my page here, that I don’t know how to do anything else.

NOW SMILE!

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15 Responses to “A Bad Joke, A Big Request & A Rebuttal”

  1. Well the main thing is, this is YOUR blog for the love of Christ. If you want to bitch about your stepson or any fucking thing else, it is your business because it is your blog.

    I don’t know what it is about that fact that people don’t get.

    I loved the joke by the way.

  2. Good grief. If somebody doesn’t like what someone blogs about just move on to another blog. The whole idea behind having a blog is to have a place where you can say what you want.

  3. All seriously funny!

  4. Stepping on a duck = passing gas
    _____________________________ * You pay the BILL

    chained to an ugly man or woman

    … and the forward Email? Right on the money. How come they are always 4 Meg or more??? Ahhh!!!!!!

    “SMILE!” Hi Diva 🙂 …. any April Fools Jokes come to pass at your house?
    I want to see the “Guns” Chihuahua.

    SpeedyCat ^^/-/~

  5. go girl..whoohoo.. loved the joke now i will be looking over my shoulder for the guy with the chains..I’m a klutz and the ducks don’t stand a chance…:))))

  6. hehe

    I only forwarded the mails beacuse I thunk u luved me
    sigh’
    I see ur true colors now
    sigh

  7. Oh girl…amen on the forwarded emails. WHO reads all of those…well besides my mother?

    I saw that comment about your kiddo and thought WTF Bitchy McBitchness?

    Keep smilin’

  8. I have never understood how people can complain about something on someone elses blog. Sheesh, all they have to do is not read it.

    Oooh…maybe you have a stalker! Wouldn’t that be fun!!!

  9. You simply just ROCK!! xo

  10. QUACK!!!

    Give ’em hell Diva….this is YOUR blog!

  11. rantingdiva Says:

    Ok kids, I just looked and DAYUM, this was a long post…. sorry for that.
    I’m saying thanks to all of ya that understand my bitchy nature and appreciate that about me. For the record, Ill try to start keeping that kind of crap to a minimum.

    xoxoxxoxo big wet hugs and kisses!!

  12. that was one of the best jokes I have read in a long time. I needed a laugh like that!!

  13. LOVED the joke!!!!!

  14. OH MY GOSH that derned joke got me giggling! too funny lady!

    As for them forwarded messages (hey, what happened to my proper English?) – I’m so sick of them, but now I’ve become the ditz that looks everthing up on SNOPES and writes back they were wrong! What’s up with THAT?! Like I have time….

    Anywho… hugs to you!

    Mon

  15. I shore {that was on porpus, that too}hope I am not sending you a chain letter LOL I got one from an old friend just the other day, it was about GOD, I immediately cried spam and have felt better since!
    As far as YOUR Blog, do it dogie style, in other words, your way! Who gives a fark if others like it, it’s yours- period
    Queen out

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