Old Ladies, Bad Driving & Catfights

Little old ladies shouldn’t drive.

The place I call home from 9 -5 Monday through Friday is located in a little strip mall.    Here we have a Beauty Salon, a Frame Shop and a Family Tailor.    Coming next month we will have a Cupcake Bakery.

Little Old Lady Magnet this place is.

Anyways, our little office has been happily situated here for damn near seven years.

Love you long time.  Seven year long time.

And every single day with the exception of Monday, there is a steady stream of little old ladies coming and going… as one of the original 10 Commandments was that hairdressers don’t work Monday.  Ever.

The patrons of this salon range in age, but the majority of them are old, older and borderline ancient.

Old Lady Driving Issue Number One:


Several times a day I hear a spine wrenching CCCCCCCCRRRRRRRunch.

The crunch is generated by their front end bumpers grinding against the curb before they actually bounce back from plowing into the curb.

Unless I hear shattered glass.

Which means the curb has not in fact stopped the car….

The window of my boss’s office or the window of the salon has.

This has only happened twice.

Old Lady Driving Issue Number Two:

There are some seriously scary old lady cat fights outside about parking spaces.

I can’t tell you how many times one old broad has verbally assaulted another old broad because they both wanted the same parking spot.

I went to break it up one day and they both turned on me.

Go ahead, kill each other over this here parking place.

Old Lady Driving Issue Number Three:

Why do old ladies tend to drive cars that are bigger than Titanic?

Isn’t it bad enough not to be able to park that boat?

But, you can barely see over the steering wheel.

Maybe that’s why ya’ll keep bangin into the curb…

cuz you can’t see it.

At any rate once ya hit a certain age and have shrunk to the point that you can no longer see over the steering wheel and are old and bitter and want to fight with other old ladies about a parking space….

You might consider not driving anymore.


17 Responses to “Old Ladies, Bad Driving & Catfights”

  1. There’s nothing scarier than a little old lady in a huge Caddy driving down the road. The only time she actually uses the accelerator is when she pulls into the parking spot. She hits the gas instead of the breaks every time!

  2. Wow…I would LOVE to see an old lady cat fight. Words are exchanged…orthopedic shoes go flying, someone’s wig gets torn off, someone else’s support hose get ripped off…


  3. You’ll be an old lady someday, watch and learn my friend LOL

  4. Oh my gosh that got me giggling! And reminded me of this video… ya gotta watch it. 🙂 IF that doesn’t come through, goto http://youtube.com/watch?v=SRJuLr8x4xM ’cause it’s perfect to show “older ladies attitudes”. 🙂 Hugs!

  5. rantingdiva Says:

    Jay- It’s scary when ya think a car is driving itself cuz ya can’t see her head from behind the wheel

    Fab- Old lady catfights rock ass!

    Leighann- I know it, but I’ll burn all hell until then.

    Monica- It’s all in good fun, girl!

  6. I used to ride into town with Gandma when I was a kid. She had a Mustang that my Uncle left when he went into the service.
    The crucks of this story?? The speedometer was off – driving 50 was really 70. We FLEW down the road at amazing speeds, and it was the time of my life. Not much scares you when you’re 10.
    Nope … never crashed! 🙂

  7. roadredneck Says:

    Stop it my sides are hurting….:)))))))

  8. what’s worse is a car load..all the same stuff goes on and the one hunched behind the wheel is paying evern less attention

  9. Sneak down there one night and remove the curb. Set up a hidden camera and wait for hilarity to ensue.

  10. Hey, it’s the “where’s the beef” lady! She’s dead…I think…or should be.

  11. I am back! I blogrolled you..hope you don’t mind.
    Your posts are a good laugh!

  12. Here, Here…I totally agree…there really should just be a point in someone’s life that they say hey, it’s just not right for me to be driving anymore…I hope I still have enough wits about me to make that judgement call when I get up there. Enjoy sweetcheeks!! xo

  13. I really think that people over a certain age should NOT be permitted to drive AT ALL.

  14. You make a great point. Doesn’t it seem like the older women are always driving cars that barely make their head visible. LOL. All you ever see are both there hands on top of the steering wheel.

    Several times a day I hear a spine wrenching CCCCCCCCRRRRRRRunch.


  15. It’s freaking amazing how those old broads go at each other. For another list of driving rants around here check out my list. I’m amazed that there aren’t as many deaths. Christ

  16. We call them “cotton tops” here. Because all you can see from the back of the car is the tops of their white heads.

  17. rantingdiva Says:

    Speedy- Yah, gramma’s are the whip when they drive

    Roadred- No way, Jose. Laugh your ass off, buddy

    Robert- The things you’ve seen….

    Dyck- You’re a sick, sick man… we like it

    Mush- Yah, she’s long gone amigo

    Solitare- I hit you up too, girl

    Lisa- I intend to be old and rich by that age and have a carboy

    Meleah- Oh yah

    Don- most of these I don’t even see hands

    T- Its hilarious to watch ’em go at it

    Trish- Yeah!! New name for ’em

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: