A Bunch of Questions for the Old Farts

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
I loathe paying bills.  Each & every bill is keeping me from being a rich, tan skank sittin’ on the beach in front of my lovely and ginormous beachfront chateau whilst suckin’ back tasty drinks with sexy umbrellas poked in them served by my personal cabana boy.
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
On Valentine’s Day, I came home to a home cooked steak dinner, complete with loaded baked potato and mega salad… and cold beer.  Muy romantique.

3. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I would have never gotten to be the STAYPUFF marshmallow girl, you know full-o-fluff.

4. What do you want to be doing right now?
I’m doin it. Kickin it in mi casa.  I’m kinda sucked into my backyard.  I’m mappin’ out a “serenity spot” that I’m planning to start on. An idea acquired from Momma Mia!!  This will be someplace where I will have hater blocker’s installed and a forcefield from all the drama that oozes outside its perimeter.

5. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I honestly wanted to be a cometologist.  Yep.  Of course I had aspirations of being in a tendy-wendy uppity salon that would make me enough money to buy my beach chateau.

6. How many colleges did you attend?
Pellissippi State & University of Tennessee… GO VOLS!


7. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Cuz I had to take the dogs out for a walk and I wasn’t gonna do it in my work clothes.
8. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I think the ‘powers that be’ could put a stop to all this price hikin bullshit if they wanted to.  I think that the asshats running for Asshat Supreme are just slinging shit back and forth and not dealing with the issue of making changes and putting a fucking stop to it.  I also know that I’ll be rollerskating to work soon as I won’t be able to afford to drive. And our kids… God help ’em.  They’ll be fucked for reals.

9. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
I don’t know that I really wanna move anywhere ever again.  I mean, we just moved in here last September and it took every bit of energy I had to do it.  Packing is worse than cleaning the toilet.

10. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Fuuuuuck…. I wish I could be a happy morning person.

11. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I wonder if I reach over and grab his dick if I’ll get me some.

12. Do you miss being a child?
Oh hell yah, but not why you think.  I would honestly go back and be a better kid… cuz my Momma wasn’t lyin when she said, “Your kids will give you back everything you’ve done back 10 times over.” I’d fix my attitude and not be such an asshat.  Maybe do better in school.

13. What errand/chore do you despise?
I don’t mind doing any of the house stuff.  Makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. 

14. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
Maybe a couple days a week, but everybody knows I’m a self centered bitch and I’d rather be watching Jerry Springer and Judge Judy on TV or at the lake.  Just the way I am.  Lazy.

15. Get up early or sleep in?
If I didn’t have to get up til noon everyday I’d be a happy skank!

16. What is your favorite cartoon character?
I love, love, love George of the Jungle.

17. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
I’m lazy so if I’m not wanting to get laid, I love to curl up against him and rub his hair until I fall off to sleep.

18. Have you found real love yet?
Yep.  I found it 18 months ago. It ain’t all cottonballs and kittens, but we’re handlin life as it comes at us.

19. When did you first start feeling old?

Not too long ago.  Now that my Momma has hit 60 and my eldest daughter is 22, the reality that I’m not a whippersnapper anymore really hit home.

 20. Your favorite lunch meat?
I don’t eat meat.  It’s not a religious thing, it’s just a gag-me-with-a-spoon thing.

21. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
The kids like the Sam’s Club Sour Cream & Tomato snackie crackers. 

22. Beach or lake?
The beach in winter, the lake in summer.


23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Oh hell to the no.  It ain’t outdated at all.  It’s the new classic.

24. Do you own property?
Well, in approximately 29 years and 4 months, this here property will be mine fair and square.

25. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
Hot monkey sex without the kids in the house.  YES, YES, YES!  =)

26. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
Valley Girl.  80s move with Nicholas Cage in it.  Love it, love it, love it.


27. What’s your drink?
Morning-coffee (and lots of it) ….   Evening- Diet Coke     Weekends- Wine (and lots of it)

28. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Stacy.  A coolie chick I caught back up with not long ago.

29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Jack FM… totally 80’s… Like totally.


30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
I don’t sit across from anybody.  I’m Queen bitch and I have my own office. My office has a door on it.  In general, me and OG sit and gossip in either her office or mine, and don’t do much of anything yet we always look busy. We get along like cream & sugar.

31. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Actually, I have no desire to have dinner with anybody famous.  Of course, if invited by some random famous person I’d have to go for the free grub.

32. Indoors or outdoors?
OUTTIE!!!!


33. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Yep.  I killed my Sentra in 1996

34. Do you have a teddy bear?
Yes I sure as hell do.  I got it when I was 5 and its been around the world with me.

35. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
I’ve been all over California.  I dig Palm Springs, Santa Barbara & Napa.


36. Do you go to church?
No.  In theory church is a good thing.  But I’ve found organized religion to be nothing but the pedestal alot of haters stand up on.  I don’t do haters.  I also have my issues with many people in “the church”  being judgemental.  I mean, they breathe and bleed just like me and they sure the hell don’t walk on water like Jesus, so who are they to cast judgement on me? 

37. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Looks like I’m in the midst of a big fat job change in the next year.  But I’m not sure whether I feel its a good thing or a bad thing yet.

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25 Responses to “A Bunch of Questions for the Old Farts”

  1. Arkansas V. Tennessee tonight at 6 central time! Go HOGS!!!

    hahahahaha 😉

  2. I felt old when the first grandchild came along. Then I got my belly button pierced and felt young again!! LOL

  3. rantingdiva Says:

    Jay- Um…. sacrilege, buddy…. watch it *wink*

    Trish- Yah, the first grandkid’ll do every time. It wasn’t long after he was born that I did my bellybutton too.

  4. I’m 53 and will be 54 in August and honestly, I didn’t start “feeling” old until about a year ago and then it hit me like a freaking ton of bricks.

    Bill I hate paying the most: House payment. The value of my house is dropping like a stone but my house payment stays exactly the same as it was. That is very painful. Talk about throwing good money after bad.

  5. 25. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
    Hot monkey sex without the kids in the house. YES, YES, YES! =)

    and now we see the process of reverse evolution :D…blog updated 🙂

  6. This post doesn’t apply to me. Thank gawd.

  7. Arkansas 92
    Tennessee 91

    Wooooooooooo Pig Sooooooooey!

    hahahahaha …. sorry babe. Had to rub it in a bit.

    /UofA class of ’96

    😉

  8. My first time here..(maybe)…and an entertaining read!
    Will be back for more!

  9. I got to number 5 and got stuck..I haven’t grown up yet….:))))))))))))))))))))

  10. 1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
    ALL OF THEM

    2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
    CANT REMEMBER ….It was a very long time ago

    3. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
    NOTHING

    4. What do you want to be doing right now?
    Surfing Blogs….Oh wait… I AM

    5. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
    A drummer in a rock n roll band

    6. How many colleges did you attend?
    1

    7. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
    Cuz I am still iin my pajamas….Its sunday!

    8. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
    out of control

    9. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
    Italy

    10. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
    No alarm today its sunday

    11. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
    I wish I wasnt sick AGAIN

    12. Do you miss being a child?
    Not AT ALL

    13. What errand/chore do you despise?
    Food Shopping

    14. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
    Nope. Im tool lazy

    15. Get up early or sleep in?
    SLEEEEEP IN

    16. What is your favorite cartoon character?
    Tom & Jerry

    17. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
    Watch a movie

    18. Have you found real love yet?
    Nopw

    19. When did you first start feeling old?
    The day I turned 30

    20. Your favorite lunch meat?
    Turkey.

    21. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
    Never been to a Wal Mart

    22. Beach or lake?
    POOL

    23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
    Not at all

    24. Do you own property?
    No.

    25. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
    Trashy TV

    27. What’s your drink?
    Coffee, Ice water, Beer, Grey Goose

    28. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
    All of them

    29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
    Silence

    30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
    Not At All

    31. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
    Alec Baldwin

    32. Indoors or outdoors?
    IN

    33. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
    Yep.

    34. Do you have a teddy bear?
    Nope

    35. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
    Ive been all over CA and I miss it very much

    36. Do you go to church?
    No.

    37. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
    Relationship (one that could get me OUT of working!) hahah

    Just kidding

    xxoo

  11. Moneky sex?…did someone say monkey sex?..

    right on.

  12. nosjunkie Says:

    hey you and I have the same morning thoughts

  13. rantingdiva Says:

    Mike- I started feeling old when I got lazy and quit going to the gym in order to drink wine more often. Oooops.

    Mav- Now that the kids go alot, its easy just to hit it whenever the mood strikes us both at the same time, which is another obstacle all by itself.

    UW- Yah, you’re still a little kitty, lucky girl.

    Jay- It was HIWAY robbery.

    Solitare- Howdy! Y’all come back now, ya hear?!?!

    Robert- I’m still young in my own mind, but reality is kicking me in the ass.

    FFM- Hell yah, hot monkey sex. Wooo!

    Lee- I AM NOT a morning person.

  14. Re: Gas Prices

    As soon as I read it, I couldn’t help but think back to your ranting stepson post and imagine you piggybacking him to school on your roller skates.

  15. I think you need to get a little MORE! Sleep that is!….obviously you’re spending way too much time thinking about & having hot monkey sex & not enough time sleeping! That’s why you are so cranky in morning….very dangerous for old folks dontcha know….
    😉

  16. why did it delete my answers? I answered ALL of them!

    shit…Now I have to do it all over again.

    Maybe I will do it in two comments?

  17. 1. What bill do you hate paying the most? All Of Them

    2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
    cant remeber been waaay too long

    3. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
    Nothing

    4. What do you want to be doing right now?
    wish I was home writing in my pajamas with a frosty brew in hand

    5. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
    a drummer in a rock band

    6. How many colleges did you attend?
    1

    7. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
    St Pats Day = Green

    9. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be? Italy

    10. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
    I hate my job

    11. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
    Wish my office would be closed tomorrow

    12. Do you miss being a child?
    Not at all

    13. What errand/chore do you despise?
    Food shopping

    14. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
    No. Im too lazy

    15. Get up early or sleep in?
    sleep

    16. What is your favorite cartoon character?
    Tom and Jerry / Ren & Stimpy

    17. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
    Watch movies

    18. Have you found real love yet?
    Nope

    19. When did you first start feeling old?The day I turned 30

    20. Your favorite lunch meat?
    Turkey

  18. 1. What bill do you hate paying the most? All Of Them

    2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
    cant remeber been waaay too long

    3. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
    Nothing

    4. What do you want to be doing right now?
    wish I was home writing in my pajamas with a frosty brew in hand

    5. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
    a drummer in a rock band

    6. How many colleges did you attend?
    1

    7. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
    St Pats Day = Green

    9. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be? Italy

    10. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
    I hate my job

  19. 11. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
    Wish my office would be closed tomorrow

    12. Do you miss being a child?
    Not at all

    13. What errand/chore do you despise?
    Food shopping

    14. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
    No. Im too lazy

    15. Get up early or sleep in?
    sleep

    16. What is your favorite cartoon character?
    Tom and Jerry / Ren & Stimpy

    17. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
    Watch movies

    18. Have you found real love yet?
    Nope

    19. When did you first start feeling old?The day I turned 30

    20. Your favorite lunch meat?
    Turkey

  20. 21. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
    Ive never been to a Wal mart
    22. Beach or lake?
    POOL

    23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
    Oh hell to the no.
    24. Do you own property?NADA.
    25. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
    The E Cahnnel
    26. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
    Too Many to name

    27. What’s your drink?
    Water, Coffee, Beer, Vodka
    28. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
    All of them

  21. 29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
    Silence

    30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
    Not even a little
    31. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
    Alec Baldwin
    32. Indoors or outdoors?
    INNY

    33. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
    Yep.
    34. Do you have a teddy bear?
    No
    35. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
    I’ve been all over California and I miss it.

    36. Do you go to church?
    No.
    37. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
    Both

  22. I have no idea where 11-20 went??

    One more try:
    Last thought before going to sleep last night?
    Wish my office would be closed tomorrow

    12. Do you miss being a child?
    Not at all

    13. What errand/chore do you despise?
    Food shopping

    14. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
    No. Im too lazy

    15. Get up early or sleep in?
    sleep

    16. What is your favorite cartoon character?
    Tom and Jerry / Ren & Stimpy

    17. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
    Watch movies

    18. Have you found real love yet?
    Nope

    19. When did you first start feeling old?The day I turned 30

    20. Your favorite lunch meat?
    Turkey

  23. YEAY.

    wow…that too FOREVER to answer!

    xxoo

    HAPPY ST PATS DAY

  24. Loved it…#26…is that the movie w/the aliens that come to earth? I actually think I may have seen it…LOL..too funny! xo

  25. If you grab my dick, it’ll spit at you.

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