Redneck Week in Review: Cupid, Beer, Commandments & NASCAR

Well, Valentine’s Day 2008 has come and gone, and as with any other holiday, to it I say  “Thank God!”.

I’m not a holiday type girl. 

But, Big T, well he’s a holiday type guy.

He goes all balls out every time.

Now, I don’t know about ya’ll, but Valentine’s Day is a big waste in my book.

Roses go up to like $49.95 and that’s without the baby’s breath.

Anyways.

When I got home from work on Thursday, Big T met me at the door with a cold beer. 

We all know how I loves the brew.

Then he followed me up to the kitchen, where he had some NY Strips soaking in marinade and big fat baked potatoes ready to throw in the oven.

Why, he even had stuff ready to make a salad.

I offer to make the salad, since I suck and  I didn’t play Valentine’s Day.

It was my understanding that we weren’t gonna do the Hallmark thing.

So, I go to change out of the workin girl duds.

He follows me downstair to the bedroom.

There was a dozen roses and some chocolate waiting on me.

I went into complete sensory overload.

Beer, steak, AND chocolate??  

Am I self centered?  YES.

Not that all the good stuff wasn’t enough…

But I started thinkin and wonderin if I was gonna get an opportunity to scream his name and leave claw marks in his shoulders…

The answer came after we LOCKED the door to the bedroom.  REEEOW.

Big T, you are the…

MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE AND YOU TOTALLY ROCK MY SOCKS!

Thank you for the best VDay ever.

*********************************************

I drank way too much beer over the weekend.

It started at precisely 5:12 on Friday afternoon and continued until 1:00 Saturday morning.

It started again Saturday evening around 5:00 as a little of the hair that bit the dog.

My daddy and stepmom came over to play cards that evening. 

So, in true card playing atmosphere, we drank more beer.

The more we won (6 games to 1…. they suck, take a lesson).

I gotta stop that crap.

**********************************************

I insisted that the teenagers in my domain read the commandments.

Miss A knew immediately that the majority of them had nothing to do with her.

She found it rather amusing.

The boy is far to dumb to realize just how rude and inconsiderate he really is.

And he was dumb enough to start on me in front of his girlfriend and my step mom.

Big mistake.

Him:  “Those don’t really have anything to do with me.”

Me:  “Shaaa, thou shalt not act like you don’t know what I’m talking about?”

Him:  “Wha?  What’d I do?”

Me:  “Thou shalt not argue?”

Him;  “I never argue.  I really don’t.”

Me: “Like hell.  Thou shalt KNOCK.”

Him:  *shurgs*

This is where I finally decided to fix this here problem once and for all.

Please remember, his girlfriend of 3 weeks was there as was my Mama.

Me:  “And what, boy, are you going to do when you come charging down the stairs and catch me and your dad buck-ass naked and havin not monkey sex like there’s no tomorrow?”

He turned red from his forhead down his neck and arms.

I think I made my point.

Now, please don’t think I’m evil. 

No more than you did before anyway.

This is a problem that’s been going on for a year.

It’s not like he’s a little kid for God sake. 

I mean you can teach a 3 year old most anything.

He’s almost 17 years old.

Why can’t he learn????

He has no respect for anybody else or their space.

I had enough.  I fixed the problem.

***********************************************

So, finally, NASCAR got off to a helluva start.

The Daytona 500 always gets my heart going.

Just like the first kick-off of the year in college ball.

And although my Jr. didn’t even have a gimmer of fookin hope of winning…

He did well to finish in the top 10 and I’ll pat him on the back for it.

Good job, Jr.

At least you’re in the points race.

He needs to put his big boy choners on and BE SOMEBODY!!!!

***********************************************

I wish I was creative and could come up with bling that was bitchin.

Until then, I’ll keep shooting the ones I get on.

For you, my girlfriends….

  The bad girls on the school bus….

Preposterous Ponderings, Leighann, RLL, Bella (even if you’re scared of bugs), Flat Coke & Flies, Olga (Meli-kali-laca to ya…. heh), Punch Drunk, and Lee

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12 Responses to “Redneck Week in Review: Cupid, Beer, Commandments & NASCAR”

  1. Beer is good. I like beer.

    NASCAR? Not so much. I used to be a big fan, but as the sport got so much more popular I kinda lost interest. I keep up with who is winning but that’s about it.

    More beer.

  2. It’s about time someone recognizes just how BAD ASS I really am! *gigglesnort*

    Thanks sista!

  3. I came over from Roberts (observations from then back 40) Blog…..

    Sounds like you have a WONDERFUL man, and had a lovely Valentines day. I sure do wish someone would greet me at my front door with a COLD BREW.

    I love the brew too.

  4. When I was young, I used to love it when a boyfriend’s mother would bust his chops in an embarrassing way. Here’s to hoping you scored points with the girlfriend.

    After that, if he keeps on not knocking, I think we need to assume he’s hoping to see something embarrassing going on.

  5. Loved the post….what a fantastic V-day….you are one lucky lady……kids, gotta love em…..thanks for the shout out and right back at….xo

  6. lol @ that banner, my parents are GOOD at embarrassing us!

    Aw sounds like your big man rocked your world on V day! yay for you oh well you can get him back next year…

    MsP

  7. V-day just sucks. This is how I want it to be… go to the bar and get blasted on beer and psychedelic drugs and find a nice looking man to bump uglies with that is hopefully married and has to go home afterwards.

    Ahh well. Instead I got to dork the same penis I’ve been dorking for 15 years. Rah!

  8. Ahhh… love the parenting style. I had healthy doses of it growing up. It did me well.

    As far as Valentine’s Day goes… Big T knows how to make it happen:

    “You had me at cold beer.”

  9. Good lord woman! That was some V-Day you had!!!

    I worked 12 hours, then took the child to dance class (don’t ask) and went to bed thank-you-very much.

    I’m so romantic.

    Love your child rearing skills. I’m learning the embarrassment factor and you’re right…it does work. Gotta do what you gotta do. Dr. Dobson has nothing on me.

    Anyways, thanks for the cool blog award. You rock.

    Bella

  10. *high fives Tony*

    That’s the way to do it. 😉

  11. Woo-Hooooo! I’m one BAD-ASSED BRA! Thanks Diva Darlin’!

  12. rantingdiva Says:

    Jay- Beer is the nectar of the gods.

    Leighann- Yep, you be bad ass for sure girl!

    Meleah- Howdy! Thanks!!

    Buzz- I’m wondering about that kid.

    Lisa- Thanks, girlie!

    Ms. P- He’ll get his eventually. He does rock my socks!

    Upset- Doh, now why didn’t I think of that!

    Jess- Yep, he won his way to my heart via cold brew.

    Bella- Embarassment factor goes a long, long way!

    Mark- Rumor has it you did a damn fine job too!

    Olga- Welcome home. I’ve missed you so!

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