So Let It Be Written, So Let It Be Done

So,  yah, I’m jacking somebody else’s idea again.

Midgetman from Mental Poo (and his wife) 

&

my pervy gal at Preposterous Ponderings

issued their 10 Commandments that the world would have to submit to

or spend eternity in hell.

Every one of them made perfect sense.   Go figure.

My commandments shall be aimed at those pimply faced, emotionally distressed  teenagers that are plaguing my life presently   who are in need of some guidance.

These are the people who are effectively making me wish for large doses of Xanax and earplugs.

********************

#1 ~ Thou shalt not argue with me.

Arguing with me is not a good idea.

I’m always right because I’m the Mom and I say so. 

Which mean you’ll always be wrong.

You are wasting your time trying to plead your case.

Why?  Because I don’t really care what your excuses are.

Why you should be allowed to do something that I don’t feel is acceptable??

It’s my way  or you can stay in your room until Jesus comes back for all I care.

********************

#2 ~ Thou Shalt not Attempt to be Sneaky

Trust me, here.

I bust you doing shit all the time and I’m not even trying.

Look chances are you’re gonna get caught.

So why bother doing it?

Kids today don’t seem to be bright enough to be sneaky to begin with.

I used to sneak out, ditch school, smoke and drink cold beer.

I never got caught. 

Your generation is just not as smart as ours was.

********************

#3 ~ Thou Shalt Go To School & Deal With It

Sorry. School is the most important thing you’ll ever do. 

You should charish all of the memories you’re making now while you can.

School is the best  time in your life…

Get up, get dressed and quit pretending you’re sick.

We both know all that is bullshit, but you’re going anyway.

*************************

#4 ~ Thou Shalt NOT Act Like You Don’t Know What I’m Talking About

When I ask you for your report card, don’t say “huh?”.

Pretty simple.  It’s come every six weeks for the last 11 school years.

When I ask you if you did your chores…  don’t say “huh?”.

Don’t act like you don’t understand that cleaning the livingroom entails BOTH dusting the furniture AND vaccuming the carpet.

When I ask you why you need lunch money after I’ve already given you money for the whole week… don’t say “huh?”.

You know exactly what I’m talking about. Answer the question, let’s go on.

************************

#5 ~ Thou Shalt Adopt Better Bathroom Habits

Please, boys & girls.

Flush after you go, twice if you need to.

There’s a can of Lysol under the sink.  Use it.

Wipe up the water from around the sink after you brush your teeth.

Pick up your towels out of the floor.

Again, is it so hard to flush your dinglesberries?

************************

#6 Thou Shalt Not Fart Anywhere Near Me

No kidding.

It’s not as funny as you think it is.

You smell up my car when you’re in it, nasty.

Worse than that, there is no escape from it.

Why you find the smell of your own shit so amusing is so beyond me.

I’m sitting across the room and I’m about to puke.

Have some pride.

************************

#7 ~ Thou shalt knock on the door before entering. 

Seriously, fucking knock.

How many times do you need to be told that it’s my bedroom,???

I might be naked or having wild monkey sex (pft, right) or watching porn.

Actually, that’s exactly what happened Sunday afternoon. 

THE BOY, who is apparently mentally challenged or just plain stupid, continues to think it’s ok to just  bust into the room whenever he wants. 

Just so happened, Big T was gonna take one for the team (team = me) and hit it.

It was all good and things were starting to happen, when we hear him coming and he wasn’t showing signs of stopping.

Big T told him to get lost, but it was too late. 

I couldn’t think about having an orgasm anymore because in the back of my psyche I was listening for that asshat to come back.

It’s not that hard, knock on the  door before you bust in.

********************

#8 ~ Thou Shalt Not Even Think About Asking Me For Money

As previously discussed, you people act lame and don’t do your chores.

You expect that if you ask, Mom will come through.

Well, not anymore boys & girls!

Why in this world do you think I just want to work all week so I can give you money to go to the mall or to see a movie or whatttever.

As Janet said… “What have you done for me lately????”

 Til you do your shit, consider this bank closed.

************************

#9 ~ Thou Shalt Close Your Door When Your Music Is On

Not that your music is so bad.

Just some of it.

And not everybody in the house thinks it’s as cool as you do.

You wanna listen to it?

Feel free, use earplugs… close your door…

*********************

#10 I’m Not Mean, You’re Just a Sissy

I mean this in the nicest way.

But, Lil T, the two year old, acts more grown up than you.

You pout.

You cry when you don’t get to do what you want.

Not everybody is out to get you.

The world doesn’t revolve around your being and what you want.

Nope.

Get used to it, live it, learn it, be it.

************************

In closing, this is how it’s gonna be, kids.

I’m not opposed to grounding you, taking your cell phone & ethernet cable.

You people will learn to behave (at least when you’re around me).

 

 

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20 Responses to “So Let It Be Written, So Let It Be Done”

  1. Well, now that I’ve read #6 I’m not sure meeting me would be as much fun for you as I originally thought.

    Great commandments!

  2. I think I recognize a lot of these from my childhood. LOL

  3. Love the no fartin near u bit..

  4. Well hello there and welcome to wordpress.
    I am glad that you have moved too, I also see that you have figured the image thing out.
    I am too dumb to shrink the shit please tel me how you do it

  5. lol, words to live by. I like the money one. I currently have four friends who owe me money right now. Grrrrrrrrrrr!

  6. That knock on the door was God’s way of telling you that you shouldn’t be having sex on a Sunday.

    That day is reserved for Catholic priests to have sex.

    Everyone knows that.

  7. Damn…. flashbacks!

  8. rantingdiva Says:

    Chuck- I’m 100% sure that your shit don’t stink.

    Jay- You were as bad as these kids are???? NO!! Say it ain’t so.

    FFM- Sweet Jesus, that boy is rotten. He gags me & that’s no joke.

    Lee- I’ve had this blog for a long time, just wasn’t published. I thought I could figure it out before I switched…. then Blogger pissed me off so bad that I didn’t care if I had it figured out or not.

    Steph- Yah, they want me to give them money and cart them around, but they don’t wanna do shit to earn it. Spoiled, spoiled children.

    Moooog- I forgot about that rule. To start with I was just striking while the iron was hot (so to speak).

  9. My parents used to send my sister and I to church so they could stay home and have sex. Ferreal. We never missed church either. Dad would make us go in rain, sleet, snow, and sickness. He said it was good for the soul. I’ve not been to church as an adult as a result.

  10. Excellent rules for life Diva. I shall adopt a few of these for my own home. Especially the knock before you enter rule. I think all of the kids have caught my wife and I at least once.

    Oh, and my parents did the same thing as Buzzardbilly’s parents.

  11. I seriously need to print these out and distribute them NOW toi the young ‘uns!

    Bella

  12. Well if I didn’t want kids before reading this…you definitely don’t want to come to my house I have not one, not two, not three, but four brothers! And my dad and they are not ashamed to share their lunches with you…bleh!

  13. ps I like your new digs mamas!

  14. haaaaaaaa
    awesome list!!!!
    TFF

  15. Fucking teenagers. Mine just got his driver’s permit and is nagging NONSTOP for me to “take him for a ride!”

    I’m going to take him for a ride… but he might not make it back.

  16. don’t mess with Mama it ain’t worth it..I speak as one who has tried…:))))

    Good Luck with this one …:))))

  17. I would love to walk in on you while you are having sex…

  18. rantingdiva Says:

    BuzzB- Yah, my folks would send us to the beach or rollerskating. You knew if pops broke out the cash, he was goin for the gold while we were gone.

    Mike- I finally had my fill with the boy. I asked him what he’d do if he were to walk in on me & his dad doin the wicked monkey.

    Bella- They are hanging on my frig.

    Ms P.- One boy is more than enough for me to handle.

    Sage- Thanks!

    Amy- Teenagers are why mother’s in the wild eat their young.

    Robert- Thanks, Daddy-O

    Fab- I’d let you watch.

  19. Love it….I am cracking up….you poor thing & yes knocking is good….LOL

  20. Holla! Props from the Queen! Thanks, honey! Sorry I’ve been MIA again. I’v e been applying for new jobs. Just posted. Take a look!

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