Round Five- Moonshiners, Tourist Traps & Neuschwanstein

After the complete and total nervous breakdown Ma had while getting us from Hannover in the north or Germany to Munich in the south, we were both totally excited about getting on a bus and sightseeing with the other tourists schlepping about.

It was one of those whoop ass double decker numbers.

The cool thing about a guided tour is that you can just kick back, not worry about directions, not worry about getting lost.

So, it’s Sunday morning. It’s 7:00 am. It’s cold. It’s cloudy. It’s a mile and half walk to the tourist trap station where all the tour buses meet to load. Brrrr.

Again, thank God for Starbucks being worldwide.

This is David. David was our tour guide. He was a friggin riot. Sarcasm, check.
This guy spoke fluently English, Spanish, German, Chinese & Italian. Dayum.

They load us up. Spanish and English speaking folks on bus #1. That would be us.

We found a seat mid way back on the upper deck and settled in for the ride and listen to David say he’s coming around to meet and greet in a minute… in English then in Spanish.

Once the bus gets a movin, David comes around to collect the cash for entrance to the castles.

Sort of a sucky McDucky deal, we’d already paid more than 80 Euro for the “tour”, nothing said admittance to the places we were going wasn’t included.

As he collected, he was chitty chatting with everybody. He asked where we were from. I said “Tennessee” with my very bestest southern twang.

David smiles, “Ahhh, Jack Daniels comes from there. You like Jack?”

I smile even bigger, “Buddy, I love Jack, Jim and Jose.”

We laugh. He goes on. I go back to sipping coffee and kicking back.

Money collected. David goes back down and gets on the speaker thing.

“Ok, kids. We are about an hour from Linderhoff Castle. Now there will be lots of tour buses there with lots of groups. It is very, very important that you understand that when I call for you, you get to me.”

I look at mom. “Heh. They’ll leave our asses if we wander off.”

Mom said, “Shut up and listen.”

I think Mom was starting to grow tired of me. 9 days had been enough for her.

David continues….. “Now, I could say ‘group 1″, but there will be alot of ‘group 1’s’. So, what I like to do is give each of my groups a unique name. And you, babies, will be called ‘Moonshiners’ named for the folks from Tennessee.”

*blinkie* *look at Ma*

“Ain’t that some shit, Mama. He digs that I dig Jack. I knew my alcoholic tendencies would pay off in fame one day and now I’ve got a whole friggin tour named after me.”

“You’re adopted.”

So, on we go. Up a steep ass mountain. Now looking down off the edge of that mountain from the upper deck of that bus just about made me yack.

It was beautiful out there though, once we got to the top anyway.

First stop was Linderhoff Castle. It wasn’t really a castle. It was just an overdone house. But it was awesome inside.

King Ludwig, the crazy brother that built it and the other castle, was very particular.

Of course, the castle polize would take your camera and throw you in castle jail if they caught you taking pictures inside.

So, we go through the inside. Ornate. Beautiful. Gold everywhere.
About 5 minutes after we get through, we here it…
“MOONSHINERS!! Get to the bus, pronto!”

Back on the bus, we start off an hour to the east to Neuschwanstein. We went through a little town where the cool little houses were painted like pictures from fairy tales.

The bus was tooling fast but I caught one of them… Hansel & Gretel…

Finally, we get to Neuschwanstein.

Now, this is the castle that Cinderella’s castle is based off of at Disney.

This is a mo-hunkin castle.

Anyway, David tells us we have an hour and 40 minutes before our tour for lunch and to walk our asses 1.25 miles from where we were to the gates.

You guessed it. I only thought the stairs of death hurt me.

We had to walk from where I stood to take this picture all the way up…

SHIT!!!! My fat ass is outtta shape!!!

This is Ma telling me not to take a picture of her ass…

Heh… This is a picture of Ma’s ass…

This is Me & Vashi (a chick we sat with at lunch) hoofin ass up the mountain…

We finally made it!! David was there to greet us… He smelled like Gin.

This is from the top of the high tower to the north… Bungee jumping?? Anybody???

Anyway, we made it through, without going to castle jail.

But, what a jip, it was only 1/4 of the way completed on the inside.

Ain’t it funny, that even in a 400 year old castle, they can make you exit through the gift shop???


16 Responses to “Round Five- Moonshiners, Tourist Traps & Neuschwanstein”

  1. Preposterous Ponderings Says:

    Darn! Some of the pictures didn’t show up for me!

    I did however see your moms ass.He he She’s gonna kill you!

  2. “Moonshiners” … LOL

    I would love to take a trip like that! How was the beer over there? 😉

  3. Speedcat Hollydale Says:

    Another great post … I really like the picture from on top the castle tower, really increadible. From what I know about pictures, the actual view is always better. This must have been an unbelievable sight!!


    ps… your other pic is on my page 🙂 ***FUNNY*** thanks

  4. Wow girl, man those are some great pics! I’m so jealous…I’d love to take that trip!

  5. Nosjunkie Says:

    HAHAH moonshiners!
    Your mom sounds like a hoot I am not sure how you can possibly be family but I suppose it takes all kinds
    the castel looks amazing by the way

  6. PP- Eh, she tries to act all shy, but she loves showin her ass.

    Jay- The beer was uber tasty and packed quite the little punch.

    Speedcat- We were up so high I got dizzy and thought about yacking on royal property.

    Chuckie- I highly suggest you put it on your list of things to do… even if it’s just for the beer and steak.

    Lee- Ma’s a super good sport. But 10 days was about as much one on one time as she could take LOL.

  7. Sugar Queens Dream Says:

    It’s just like Ruby Falls by Gosh, they have a gift shop in all the important places I tell ya!
    hugs Divalicious~~

  8. 400 years and they still don’t have it completed? I have to show this to my wife so she will quit bitching at me for some of my 3 year long projects.

  9. That sounds like an amazing trip! Love the pics…. tell mom she’s got a hot ass! 😉

  10. Punch-Drunk Says:

    Ohhh, I am even more homesick than yesterday – I have been to all of them – aren’t they a sight to see – sounds like you are having a great time!! Can’t wait to read what’s next!! :O)

  11. moonshiners…seriously…ha ha ..u seem to ve gotten a nice guide..ha u had a good time trekkin up to the historic places :D..updatd my blog 🙂

  12. Judy- Trapped like a rat until you venture through the real cash pit!

    Mike- Big T said the same damn thing!

    Leighann- Ma said thanks for the ass compliment.

    Punch- It was a blast!!

    Mav- That guy was crazy as me.

  13. Sounds like a hellof a trip!

    Glad to have you come by today, I’ll be sure to read further through you posts.

  14. Olga, the Traveling Bra Says:

    Im sorry…I need glasses…at first I thought you wrote Moonshitters! WHY would i ever think YOU’D write something like THAT?!?!?!?

  15. Inarticulate Fumblings Says:

    The Starbucks line caught my eye…

    When I was living in Taiwan, I was close to my breaking point. I was so tired of everything being different.

    Then I found a Starbucks across from an international high school. I walked in and there were a pack of school girls talking ‘Valley.’ Music to my ears.

  16. Jeff- No, thank YOU!

    Olga- You know I’m a good girl and I’d never say anything like that.

    IF- Hahaha! Talkin Valley. I noticed in Germany they are stuck in the 80’s which was also very comforting. Wham & Flock of Seagulls seem to be winners over there.

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