Roses and Shit

I know that post title is a little icky. But, so what. I try to name my posts so as to give a body some kind of idea what they might be reading… or not. Actually I just amuze myself by doing it. Both the words ROSES and SHIT will appear in the body of this here text.

So, the majority of my ramblings come from ridiculous shit and silly conversations that happen within my newly formed family surroundings.

Me and Big T have been together less than 2 years and only married for 3 months next week. Awwwww. Newlyweds. Even though we have spent alot of energy getting to know each other, there will ALWAYS be plenty more that the other doesn’t know.
I reckon that’s considered, the learning and growing process within a marriage.

Well, Big T knows the silly, mostly redneck, totally laid-back Diva. Don’t get me wrong, he’s seen me act all professional when dealing with these hoity-toity types with my job, but for the most part, he sees me as I am on a daily basis at home.

I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to write this crap without sounding like I have multiple personalities… too late.

Anyway, the last holiday season, we were together, but we both had our respective families to deal with and holiday functions to tend to and we did these things solitarily. OG (who is my friend and boss) is all about having a kick ass social life. We generally have a couple of company social dinners around the holidays, which includes folks from her husband’s company and other highly edu-ma-cated types from the local scientific community.

I suppose that would be the set-up. This is how roses and shit tie in…

Big T is a wonderfully simple, extremely laid back total redneck with excellent social skills and exquisite manners. He’s a blue jeans and long sleeve camo t-shirt kinda feller. He is totally not used to dealing with multiple people he doesn’t know in a social setting. Which is cool, because as I said, the man has top notch manners.

Well, this holiday season, we be hitched. So, now he been thrown into this situation where he has to come with me to all of these functions. Last Friday night, after OG’s gradumawayshun, we had our company Christmas party. There were OG, her man, me, Big T and 14 other people (all of whom Big T didn’t know).

Actually, of all the 14, I only scarcely knew one chick and her man. I was in the same boat as he was on the knowing yer neighbor.

Now, in this type of new situation, Big T tends to clam up. He watches everybody and hears everything… but he says precisely ZIP, nada, nicht.

I on the other hand could make some shit up about anything and talk to any-damn-body about it. At the table were several Ph.D types along with many, many masters’ of science types. Whatever. I am who I am, regardless of my surroundings.

Anydiddle, we ate, drank and I was super social and then we left to go home.

On the way, Big T had an epiphany about my social skills…

Driving down the interstate he says, “You know, you could fall into a bucket of shit and come out smelling like shit.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I seriously had no clue it was a compliment.

“Shut up and lemme finish. You could fall into a bucket of shit and come out smelling like shit. Just like you could fall into a bunch of roses and come out smelling like a rose.”

“Hmmmmm. And this is a good thing?” Still not sure it’s a compliment.

“Why yah. You can talk to anybody, anywhere about anything whether you know them or not. You’re comfortable around everybody.”

After a little thought, I figured he was right. I talked to a bunch of people about a bunch of stuff that night and never thought about who they were or how “hoity-toity” their life style is:

I was talking to a professor of chemistry about how I despise touching the door handles to get out of a bathroom because people are disgusting.

I talked to a librarian about my wildest drinking binge on a business trip in New Orleans.

I talked to a government contractor dude about how many Christmas lights are too many Christmas lights.

I talked to a labrat (a lil chick who does nothing all day but pipette samples into a tube for testing) about all of our collective children.

So, I’m happy Big T found me to be as socially acceptable as shit and roses. He should know by now I don’t put on a front or act hoity-toity for anybody. I is who I is and I’m completely comfortable being me.

yay! Gotta go. I’m thinking way too much for my own good.


14 Responses to “Roses and Shit”

  1. I have very limited social skills. I find it’s best if I remain as quiet as possible when in a group setting. That way I don’t do or say something totally offensive or politically incorrect or just plain silly.

    “I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to write this crap without sounding like I have multiple personalities…”

    Hey, that’s better than having NO personality at all! 😉

  2. I am pretty good at the social skills thing unless I am provoked. Then, unfortunately, the gloves come off.

    It’s kind of fun though. My wife never knows which way things will turn out.

  3. Real Live Lesbian Says:

    Have to agree with Jay…I’d rather talk to someone with six personalities than none!

    Sounds like a fun time Ms. Social Chameleon!

  4. moooooog35 Says:

    My wife hates introducing me to people.

    I’ll come off one of two ways:

    1) Angry “I don’t want to talk to you” guy


    2) “I’m revealing too much about myself” guy.

    #1 usually comes out if I’m meeting a guy.

    #2 comes out when meeting my wife’s friends.

    Like, when I met the co-leaders of our daughter’s Girl Scout troop, having a party at my house. One of the ladies started talking about “He-Man and Masters of the Universe.”

    At which point, I say:

    “I’m so hot right now.”

    No idea why.

    I’ve known this woman for, like, 5 minutes and I’m telling her she’s making me hot as she talks about “He-Man.”

    I’m guessing I smelled like shit that night…and nowhere near a rose.

  5. Holey crap! Your man said you are a bucket of shit and you actually let him finish without sending him to the emergency room?

    Are there more like you? Where do I find them?

    -One who has hoof in mouth disease.

  6. Preposterous Ponderings Says:

    Like you, I don’t change who I am for anybody. You either like me or you don’t! Take me as I am….however bad they may be! :o)

  7. Divalicious Says:

    Jay, come on now, I’m always being offensive and/or silly. It’s the way to be even around the PhD types.

    Mike, I can break bitch in any setting. Gloves or no gloves if somebody is an asshat, I can be just as much of one. That would be the part where I fall into shit.

    RLL, Girl, multiple personalities are my speciality.

    moooooog, HeMan makes me all hot too. A chick talking about HeMan also makes me hot. Hell, there aren’t many things out there that don’t just make me hot.

    Mike, well he didn’t actually call me a bucket of shit. He said I could impersonate one pretty well though… Damn… on second thought I reckon he did call me a bucket of shit, that dick.
    Oh yah, there are none like me. I am the one, the only, the end-all/be-all. =)

    PP, exactly!! Love me for what I am for piss off!!!!

  8. Diva your a peach..and T is so much like me it’s funny….I love you guys…

  9. Olga, the Traveling Bra Says:

    I always say; Ain’t nothin like the REAL THING baby! Be your own sweet hilarious self Diva & you’ll never go wrong!!!

  10. Well if thats not a compliment I dunno what is 😛

    Hope you had a great christmas.

  11. Olga, the Traveling Bra Says:

    Consider yourself TAGGED & BAGGED by a big ol’ bodacious black bra!
    Stop by my blog & check it OUT!

  12. Sugar Queens Dream Says:

    Darling Diva, my Dear Friend… I had no idea you were a closet redneck ! LOL LOL LOL.. How divine! Just as you are ~~ Happy New Year Baby!
    Sugary hugs from the Queen of all thats Sugar~~

  13. I hate when people say sayings and I read way to much into them. I over analyze so much my head hurts and the saying has lost all its meaning.

    Sounds like he knows you pretty well. I’m the same way. I am super friendly and I can get along with anyone after the first meet. I still don’t know if it is a good thing or bad…

  14. Divalicious Says:

    Hi Robert! Yah, T is a classic, just like you are daddy-o.

    Steph, hey girl! You know how he is.

    Olga, AWWW! You’re too sweet to me!!

    SQD, Redneck check. No closet, no mo.

    Ms. P, it’s been weeks and I’m still analyzing it.

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