Quick – Main-line Caffeine STAT!

Not only do I need a support group for my klepto issues, but I am also an addict. That’s right, kids. If I don’t have an I.V. drip of strong ass coffee every morning, then I’m about as useful as a pantyliner is to Bruce Willis.

I consume no less than a pot of the stuff before I even leave my house in the morning. That’s just the regular, rut-o-the-mill crap too. The the games really begin when I get to the office. Oh yes, I have it made there. My boss is sympathetic and spoils me with Seattle’s Best beans. For Christmas 2 years ago, we acquired a mac-daddy espresso maker that grinds the columbian beans into powder and then spews boiling hot water through it with extreme pressure so as to extract every last bit of the caffinated goodness inside. God bless espresso and the occasssional vanilla latte.

If I don’t get my daily dose of good stuff, I become as foul as an 87 year old school lunch lady who’s sloppin cole slaw food stuff onto the tray of a smart ass high school kid. It’s cool. I don’t do without much.

However, I have went on strike from Starbucks. Pisses me off that I have to pay around $4 for a latte that I can whip up here for nearly nothin.
Nevermind the fact that I feel like the total redneck as I am ordering my “Non-fat venti vanilla latte, please” with my thick ass southern drawl. I always feel like they give me my total, ask me to drive around to the window, all the while making fun of the redneck chick with the funny accent.

Plus, I’m highly influenced by what I hear. And I a little squirrley told me that StarSchmucks is evil. He doth spout the truth!

(If you’re offended by extremely foul language, I advise you not to click that down there. And I apologize in advance for being so easily amuzed by such profanity. Please know, my mother raised me better than this. I am a black sheep.)


6 Responses to “Quick – Main-line Caffeine STAT!”

  1. doggybloggy Says:

    i have never nor will ever patronize starbucks….

  2. The only problem with that video is the guy behind the counter wasn’t a tattoo covered hippie with a dozen piercings and wasn’t enough of a emo prick.

    I hate Starbucks. LOL

  3. Ha. That was cute. I’m not a coffee drinker (can you believe???). I tried and tried, but just could never like it! Something must be wrong with me…

  4. I’m with you on the Starbucks…..and I think that crabby old lady worked the cafeteria at my high school…..:):)

  5. I battle to find good strong coffee over here its either deadly expensive or killer hard to find

  6. Divalicious Says:

    Awww, doggy, – You, my friend, make me proud that you never got sucked in by corporate coffee. I have to admit, they jacked their fair share of mi dinero. Alas, I realized the err of my ways and knocked that shit off butt quick.

    Hey Jay – I never felt cool enough or hip enough or trendy enough to set foot in a Starbucks. If it didn’t have a drive thru, I didn’t get it. LOL, some things are better from the local convenient strore!!

    Good mornin’ Bella – No clue as to who got my habit started, or at what tender age I got hooked. I tend to blame my beloved Gramma, as she used to spike my sippy cup with black coffee. I was a tweaker as a toddler.

    Hey Robert – Good morning, you big redneck. I’m so glad we don’t have to deal with scary lunch ladies anymore. I think she’s still there, my daughter visited her yesterday.

    Hi Lee – Best coffee I was ever treated to was in Germany. Dayum! It was delicious and strong enough that I twitched for hours.

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